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[Peppy instrumental music]
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You may not know me.
I'm Big Enos Burdette.
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This is my son, Little Enos.
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Believe me, you put Enos Burdette
in the capitol building in Austin...
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Holy... Is that who I think it is?
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If that ain't John Coen,
then I'm the Incredible Hulk.
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Bomb bay doors open.
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[Man screaming in Spanish]
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Bombs away!
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[Horses neighing]
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[Laughing jubilantly]
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Daddy, this bullshit has got to stop.
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[Singing] "Do you know
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"You are my sunshine?"
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She asked so sweet and tenderly
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I reckon if I spend a few more million,
I'd have this election sewed up.
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You better. You only raised $80
at that last benefit dinner.
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I delivered the Statler Brothers, didn't I?
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[Airplane engines humming]
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Are you ready, Son?
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Nobody shit-bombs a Burdette
and gets away with it.
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I'll tell you one thing.
When I'm elected governor...
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I'm gonna pass a law
that damn fools like that...
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can't fly over other people's property.
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Let it fly, boy! Let it fly!
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Shit!
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[People screaming in terror]
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Enos Burdette, your fat ass will not warm
the governor's chair...
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if I have to spend every goddamn dime I got!
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GOVERNOR: Candidates
for governor of Texas?
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Why don't you boys try something
a little more your size?
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If I had my choice,
I'd endorse one of the Dallas cheerleaders...
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before I'd back either one of you...
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turkeys!
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Now, get out of my sight!
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[lntercom buzzes]
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What is it?
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SECRETARY: It's Silisbey, Governor.
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GOVERNOR: Silisbey, I told you before.
I will now tell you again.
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Go to Pier 23 in Miami.
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Pick up crate number 1444,
and deliver its contents...
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to the Republican National Convention
in Dallas in nine days.
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No, you fool, nine days! Nine!
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That crate is a very special gift from me
to the Grand Old Party.
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It'll be your ass if it's not there in time.
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Just get me crate number 1444.
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-Son, come on. Come on, Son.
-Where we going, Daddy? And why?
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We're going to the governor's office,
by way of Miami.
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[Cheerful country song]
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Well, if I can keep it on the ground
when I put that hammer down
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Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'
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I've got my 10 in the wind
Let it all hang out again
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'Cause how you gonna win
if you ain't tryin'?
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Well, we're all back together
and we're burnin' up the road
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And that old sheriff's
out there doggin' us again
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He thinks he's really got it cookin'
Plans to do a lot of bookin'
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Only trouble,
he keeps looking' where we've already been
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So if I can keep it on the ground
when I put that hammer down
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Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'
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[Cheerful country instrumental music]
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CLEDUS: Fred, I know you're nervous...
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but if you can hold them burger bits down
for one more lap...
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me and you gonna be $20,000 richer!
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ANNOUNCER: On to the white flag,
with one lap to go.
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[Cheerful country song resumes]
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ANNOUNCER: Coming down.
Look at that straightaway!
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Look at that!
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[Truck tire bursts]
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ANNOUNCER: Truck's demolished,
but he's gonna walk away.
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Looks like he's all right.
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Big Iron coming down to the finish.
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The Jimmy General out in front
at the end of 200 miles.
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All bunched up and coming down
to the finish line...
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your winner will be Cledus Snowman.
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[Spectators cheering excitedly]
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Fred, did you ever see a check that big?
I'm gonna use that and get you a face-lift.
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BIG ENOS: Snowman, see you a minute?
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[Cledus exclaims worriedly]
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CLEDUS: Folks, I want you to meet
Big Wart and Little Wart.
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[All laughing]
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You be careful, Snowman.
Us Burdettes don't take kindly...
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to a slur on our family name.
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I'm sorry. I thought you two was a slur
on your family name.
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Snowman, we didn't come here to fight.
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He's smarter than he looks, ain't he?
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Look, we got us a business proposition.
We gotta find the Bandit.
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I figured you was looking for the Bandit.
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LITTLE ENOS: You know where he is?
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That depends on how hard
somebody's looking for him.
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-We're looking mighty hard.
-I mean hard, like in hard cash.
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$100,000? US?
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You want his phone number, MasterCharge
number or the colour of his Jockey shorts?
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I mean, I can...
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CLEDUS: You don't have to take my picture.
I'll go home and sit on your dresser.
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Look, time's a-wasting here, Snowman.
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You want to breed
or listen to my proposition?
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Bring Fred, the truck and anything else
that looks nice down to the pit.
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CLEDUS: I appreciate you two dropping by
and trashing up my moment of glory.
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You want the money or the glory?
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I'd like to have them both,
but I got this problem.
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Let me guess.
You don't know where the Bandit is?
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We got us a winner.
Yeah, my mind went blank.
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Let me jiggle your memory bank a little bit.
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$200,000?
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Well, the clouds are parting a little.
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-$200,000. You take it or leave it.
-Would you believe I just got total recall?
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Here's the deal. You go down and pick up
this package on a Miami dock...
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00:08:01.869 --> 00:08:04.278
and deliver it to the governor of Texas.
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-The governor of Texas?
-That's right.
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Strictly legit.
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-And you're Wilt Chamberlain.
-That's right.
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Listen, this whole thing is legal.
I'll stake my reputation on that.
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His, too.
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-That makes me feel a whole lot better.
-There's one thing bothers us.
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We heard talk of the Bandit slipping.
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"Gone into the shithouse"
is the exact phrase we heard.
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May I tell you boys something?
He is in better shape now...
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than he's ever been in his life, trust me.
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[Soft country song playing]
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[Belching]
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Hey, Bo.
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CLEDUS: Bo, you all right?
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Cledus, you've gotten taller.
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CLEDUS: Yes, and you've gotten drunker.
This place looks like a shithouse.
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BANDIT: Want to sit down? Sit there.
CLEDUS: Come on, Bo.
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CLEDUS: What've you got on?
Come on, here.
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BANDIT: Is that you, Cledus?
CLEDUS: Yeah, it's me.
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BANDIT: You dropped my watch.
CLEDUS: I know it. Come here.
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CLEDUS: Sit down.
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BANDIT: Your timing is just rotten.
CLEDUS: Look.
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[Belches]
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CLEDUS: I'm gonna make us a lot of money.
$200,000. Look.
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$200,000.
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Big and Little Enos are out there,
and they got $200,000.
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CLEDUS: I need you to be straight
for three minutes. Can you manage...
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That's good enough. Come on.
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CLEDUS: Come here. $200,000.
138
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But you've got to be straight
for two minutes. That's all I need.
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Want a picture of me? Only 50 cents apiece.
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-You can have one for nothing.
-Hello.
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CLEDUS: Fellows. No. Get back in here.
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BIG ENOS: When we get in there,
let me do the talking.
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[Knocking on door]
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Okay, fellows. Come on in.
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Now, he's meditating.
Don't talk to him much.
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Don't run off, Bandit. This is a sweet deal.
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$200,000 just to bring a package
from Florida to Dallas.
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[Belching]
149
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That's what I said: $200,000.
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I don't think he's interested.
151
00:11:01.692 --> 00:11:06.235
-What does it take to keep this man erect?
-A different set of figures.
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00:11:07.310 --> 00:11:09.710
How much more do you want?
153
00:11:12.828 --> 00:11:15.498
Four. $400,000.
154
00:11:16.415 --> 00:11:18.244
You got it. Is it a deal?
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[Bandit groaning]
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[Cledus stuttering]
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I'll check with him.
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[Bandit continues groaning]
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-Got a deal.
-Okay. Don't get up, Bandit.
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00:11:30.181 --> 00:11:32.470
I gotta go now,
but I'll see you back in Texas.
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00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:36.110
-And here's the number of the crate.
-Wait a minute.
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00:11:36.105 --> 00:11:37.480
[Bandit groaning]
163
00:11:37.565 --> 00:11:40.200
He wants to say something else.
164
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[Bandit grunting]
165
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CLEDUS: Right.
166
00:11:44.823 --> 00:11:49.340
If he doesn't get at least half the money,
he may become very violent.
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00:11:49.119 --> 00:11:51.527
Give him the money, Little Enos.
168
00:11:58.400 --> 00:12:00.163
I'd like to kick his ass just once.
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BIG ENOS: Come on. Let's go.
170
00:12:05.950 --> 00:12:07.502
[Cledus laughing triumphantly]
171
00:12:09.350 --> 00:12:12.184
LITTLE ENOS: He's overdue
for a good butt-kicking.
172
00:12:13.610 --> 00:12:14.521
Look at that.
173
00:12:14.605 --> 00:12:17.690
Do you realize we can start a bank?
174
00:12:18.610 --> 00:12:22.312
That's more money than I've seen
in one time in my life!
175
00:12:23.730 --> 00:12:25.481
[Bandit sniffling]
176
00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:32.810
CLEDUS: You're crying. We got the money.
What are you crying...
177
00:12:33.668 --> 00:12:36.918
I was just thinking about Frog.
178
00:12:41.885 --> 00:12:45.600
I really wish it could've worked for you two.
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00:12:45.970 --> 00:12:46.757
[Bandit belching]
180
00:12:46.849 --> 00:12:48.641
I'm ready!
181
00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:52.268
Don't hurt the money.
182
00:12:55.734 --> 00:12:57.608
I don't need anybody!
183
00:12:58.904 --> 00:13:00.190
Okay.
184
00:13:00.114 --> 00:13:04.640
You think I ain't ready, son?
You just watch my smoke.
185
00:13:08.999 --> 00:13:12.284
Daddy, come on.
You're gonna be late for my wedding.
186
00:13:13.860 --> 00:13:15.660
[Sinister instrumental music]
187
00:13:19.469 --> 00:13:21.211
Sumbitch.
188
00:13:22.555 --> 00:13:26.900
LADY: Good morning, Sheriff.
BUFORD: Good morning, nice lady.
189
00:13:26.727 --> 00:13:30.226
You must be mighty proud
of that wonderful son you got.
190
00:13:30.313 --> 00:13:32.570
Let me tell you something.
191
00:13:32.148 --> 00:13:35.316
Junior's nothing but a big mound
of tick turd.
192
00:13:35.694 --> 00:13:39.858
Imagine. Trying to marry that floozy
for a second time.
193
00:13:41.760 --> 00:13:44.825
You know, if Junior is able to
get up in the morning...
194
00:13:45.412 --> 00:13:47.951
tie his shoelaces and take a pee...
195
00:13:48.410 --> 00:13:51.875
-I'm not proud. I'm amazed.
-I declare.
196
00:13:51.962 --> 00:13:55.829
I didn't realize this floozy was the same one
as the last one.
197
00:13:55.925 --> 00:13:59.876
But I do remember all that trouble,
that poor child being abducted...
198
00:13:59.971 --> 00:14:03.550
and taken off by that
handsome devil, Bandit.
199
00:14:03.224 --> 00:14:05.348
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
200
00:14:05.811 --> 00:14:08.183
[Buford chanting]
201
00:14:08.648 --> 00:14:10.771
[Beeping slowing down]
202
00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:14.695
[Beeping stops]
203
00:14:16.322 --> 00:14:18.813
Sheriff, is that your radio acting up?
204
00:14:18.908 --> 00:14:22.492
No, that ain't my radio.
It's my hemo-gauge that's beeping.
205
00:14:22.580 --> 00:14:25.285
This hemo-gauge and that exercise...
206
00:14:25.374 --> 00:14:29.455
was invented in a monastery by a couple
of Tibetan monks.
207
00:14:29.878 --> 00:14:31.374
They live in Newark now.
208
00:14:31.465 --> 00:14:35.877
And just lucky enough,
I saw the advertisement in Screw magazine.
209
00:14:35.970 --> 00:14:39.172
So I sent away for it. Cost me $19.95.
210
00:14:39.305 --> 00:14:42.806
LADY: That's just wonderful, Sheriff.
I guess that makes it easier for you...
211
00:14:42.894 --> 00:14:45.894
to deal with that business
about your daughter-in-law to be...
212
00:14:45.980 --> 00:14:50.441
running off with that gorgeous,
handsome Bandit.
213
00:14:50.527 --> 00:14:52.436
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
214
00:14:52.738 --> 00:14:54.528
[Buford chanting]
215
00:14:55.866 --> 00:14:57.609
[Beeping slowing down]
216
00:14:57.911 --> 00:14:59.240
JUNIOR: Daddy?
217
00:14:59.119 --> 00:15:01.445
Come on. You're gonna be late.
218
00:15:03.123 --> 00:15:04.785
Sumbitch.
219
00:15:05.751 --> 00:15:09.536
PASTOR: My dear friends,
you have come together in this church...
220
00:15:09.632 --> 00:15:12.501
so that the Lord may seal and strengthen
your love.
221
00:15:12.592 --> 00:15:13.755
[Phone ringing]
222
00:15:13.844 --> 00:15:15.254
PASTOR: Excuse me.
223
00:15:18.766 --> 00:15:20.110
PASTOR: Hello?
224
00:15:20.268 --> 00:15:22.308
PASTOR: But, sir, this is a wedding.
225
00:15:22.395 --> 00:15:24.518
All right, just a moment.
226
00:15:26.107 --> 00:15:28.433
It's for the bride-to-be. It's long distance.
227
00:15:28.527 --> 00:15:29.772
JUNIOR: Carrie?
228
00:15:30.528 --> 00:15:32.220
It's for you.
229
00:15:32.906 --> 00:15:35.279
Junior, I don't think I should take it
right now.
230
00:15:35.367 --> 00:15:38.155
You gotta take it. It's long distance.
231
00:15:38.455 --> 00:15:39.736
Right.
232
00:15:44.961 --> 00:15:46.207
CARRIE: Hello?
233
00:15:47.423 --> 00:15:49.100
Yes, it is.
234
00:15:49.675 --> 00:15:52.212
Cledus, hi! How are you?
235
00:15:52.303 --> 00:15:54.960
I'm good.
236
00:15:54.181 --> 00:15:57.181
Look, Cledus, I'm a little busy right now.
237
00:15:57.768 --> 00:15:59.511
Who's in trouble?
238
00:16:00.646 --> 00:16:02.769
Oh, him.
239
00:16:02.857 --> 00:16:05.630
Yeah, sure. I remember him.
240
00:16:06.193 --> 00:16:07.392
Help?
241
00:16:08.987 --> 00:16:10.946
CARRIE: Why should I help him?
242
00:16:11.324 --> 00:16:13.670
What good reason?
243
00:16:13.368 --> 00:16:15.989
$50,000? That's a good reason.
244
00:16:16.413 --> 00:16:19.698
Yeah, right. I'll be right there.
245
00:16:22.545 --> 00:16:25.297
Junior, do you love me?
246
00:16:25.382 --> 00:16:28.200
JUNIOR: Sure, Carrie.
CARRIE: Good.
247
00:16:28.593 --> 00:16:31.511
'Cause maybe then you'll understand
and you'll wait for me.
248
00:16:31.596 --> 00:16:36.260
When I get back, I'll have enough money for
that brand new milking machine you want.
249
00:16:36.351 --> 00:16:39.721
Good! And maybe someday
we can buy a cow.
250
00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:41.720
Right.
251
00:16:45.362 --> 00:16:46.773
Not again.
252
00:16:46.905 --> 00:16:48.732
[People murmuring softly]
253
00:16:48.824 --> 00:16:50.698
[People exclaiming]
254
00:16:50.867 --> 00:16:53.905
Now, just where do you think you're going?
255
00:16:54.746 --> 00:16:56.620
The Bandit needs me.
256
00:16:56.832 --> 00:16:58.160
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
257
00:16:58.251 --> 00:16:59.828
[Buford chanting]
258
00:16:59.920 --> 00:17:02.589
And you better recharge your beeper.
259
00:17:15.645 --> 00:17:18.811
Damn! I thought I was supposed
to go with her.
260
00:17:20.442 --> 00:17:23.160
Well, I said it before...
261
00:17:23.904 --> 00:17:26.276
and I'm gonna say it again.
262
00:17:26.449 --> 00:17:31.490
There ain't no way
that you could come from my loins.
263
00:17:32.580 --> 00:17:35.831
I'm going home
and kick your mama in the butt.
264
00:17:37.430 --> 00:17:40.876
-Okay, where's the rest of it?
-You found them all, massa.
265
00:17:48.848 --> 00:17:49.962
Yeah.
266
00:17:50.570 --> 00:17:53.557
You know what I think
about your big training program?
267
00:17:53.645 --> 00:17:57.939
CLEDUS: J-O-A-K, joke. That's what I think.
BANDIT: I'm in better shape every day.
268
00:17:58.240 --> 00:18:02.237
If Big Enos could ship that package
of his to Texas behind a team of mules...
269
00:18:02.321 --> 00:18:03.980
it'd beat us at the rate we're going.
270
00:18:04.730 --> 00:18:06.743
BANDIT: Just 'cause I started shaking,
you're falling to pieces.
271
00:18:06.826 --> 00:18:09.614
Shaking? You've got the DTs so bad...
272
00:18:09.705 --> 00:18:12.373
you could thread a sewing machine
with it running.
273
00:18:12.457 --> 00:18:13.737
CLEDUS: Thanks. I'll take that.
274
00:18:13.834 --> 00:18:16.760
I don't know why you sent for her.
I don't need her.
275
00:18:16.169 --> 00:18:18.163
You don't need anybody, but she's coming.
276
00:18:18.255 --> 00:18:20.663
CLEDUS: Why don't you admit
you're glad she's coming?
277
00:18:20.758 --> 00:18:23.427
You'll need all the help you can get
to get in shape...
278
00:18:23.552 --> 00:18:25.591
to make this run, anyway.
279
00:18:27.349 --> 00:18:29.472
Well, that's about enough.
280
00:18:29.560 --> 00:18:31.138
CLEDUS: How many is that?
BANDIT: One.
281
00:18:31.228 --> 00:18:34.146
-You did one yesterday.
-I know, and it hurt.
282
00:18:34.231 --> 00:18:37.268
Do you think maybe you could squeeze
two out of your body...
283
00:18:37.359 --> 00:18:40.230
-without having a coronary?
-I could try.
284
00:18:42.197 --> 00:18:45.153
She never was that much of a help, anyway.
285
00:18:45.660 --> 00:18:47.119
[Groaning]
286
00:18:47.371 --> 00:18:50.325
I just figured out why my album didn't sell.
287
00:18:50.416 --> 00:18:52.455
It was the wrong selection of material:
288
00:18:52.543 --> 00:18:54.665
BANDIT: The Bandit Sings Cole Porter.
CLEDUS: Listen.
289
00:18:54.754 --> 00:18:58.400
If you think the girl was having a good time,
look at that.
290
00:18:58.132 --> 00:19:00.291
Hell, she had to get in line to see you!
291
00:19:00.384 --> 00:19:02.343
She left me when the going got tough.
292
00:19:02.429 --> 00:19:03.543
CLEDUS: Hold it.
293
00:19:03.639 --> 00:19:06.675
I distinctly remember
that when the going got good...
294
00:19:06.767 --> 00:19:09.800
it was Bo's big ego
that busted everything up.
295
00:19:09.103 --> 00:19:12.519
Remember what I told you?
I said, "If you ever lose that girl...
296
00:19:12.606 --> 00:19:15.229
"you're gonna wind up being
a booze-head ex-superstar...
297
00:19:15.318 --> 00:19:20.230
"and every time you come up for air,
you'll have a can of beer in your hand."
298
00:19:20.449 --> 00:19:22.738
-That's ridiculous.
-Yeah?
299
00:19:23.202 --> 00:19:25.760
CLEDUS: Would you... Give me the beer!
300
00:19:25.163 --> 00:19:27.202
CLEDUS: You're gonna keep drinking
that stuff...
301
00:19:27.290 --> 00:19:30.492
your belly's the size of
a number ten washtub.
302
00:19:31.752 --> 00:19:36.100
You know what? I hope I'm there
when they do the autopsy on your butt...
303
00:19:36.900 --> 00:19:39.791
'cause your kidneys gotta look like
the air cleaner on a KW.
304
00:19:39.886 --> 00:19:44.763
Besides, me and you together couldn't
scrape up six people to be your pallbearers.
305
00:19:44.850 --> 00:19:47.638
That's a long walk to make by your...
306
00:19:52.151 --> 00:19:54.357
Somebody left this up here.
307
00:19:57.448 --> 00:19:59.357
I'm gonna put it back.
308
00:20:02.203 --> 00:20:04.362
[Car approaching]
309
00:20:06.541 --> 00:20:08.285
Bo, she's here.
310
00:20:18.221 --> 00:20:19.679
[Romantic pop song]
311
00:20:50.547 --> 00:20:52.706
-Hi, Frog.
-Hi, Bandit.
312
00:20:54.718 --> 00:20:57.700
-You're shaking.
-I'm cold.
313
00:20:58.849 --> 00:21:02.990
I thought maybe you were nervous
about seeing me again.
314
00:21:02.186 --> 00:21:03.514
I'm cold.
315
00:21:04.620 --> 00:21:08.108
It's been a long time since I've seen you,
six or seven months.
316
00:21:08.192 --> 00:21:09.522
I don't know.
317
00:21:09.610 --> 00:21:13.905
It's more like eight months, four days,
and six and a half hours, but I'm not sure.
318
00:21:14.699 --> 00:21:17.369
After we broke up, where did you go?
319
00:21:17.911 --> 00:21:19.868
-To pieces.
-Yeah?
320
00:21:19.955 --> 00:21:21.781
CARRIE: And then I went to New York.
321
00:21:21.874 --> 00:21:25.374
I started dancing again.
I got this fabulous job in a rock musical.
322
00:21:25.461 --> 00:21:28.166
Is that where you got those clothes?
323
00:21:28.882 --> 00:21:32.666
-What's wrong with these clothes?
-Nothing, if you're in a rock musical.
324
00:21:32.760 --> 00:21:36.924
CARRIE: I wouldn't talk if I were you.
You look like "The Gay Caballero."
325
00:21:38.726 --> 00:21:42.475
-Let's not fight.
-I don't want to fight, either.
326
00:21:42.564 --> 00:21:44.437
CLEDUS: Miss Frog, remember me?
327
00:21:44.523 --> 00:21:45.803
CARRIE: Cledus!
328
00:21:46.901 --> 00:21:48.146
CARRIE: You skinny old bone!
329
00:21:48.235 --> 00:21:50.905
CARRIE: My God, the man has no meat
on him whatsoever.
330
00:21:50.990 --> 00:21:53.660
You ever seen a fat racehorse, mama?
331
00:21:53.950 --> 00:21:56.868
-Do you know how glad I am to see--
-Hey.
332
00:21:58.206 --> 00:22:01.372
BANDIT: What is this?
CARRIE: Cledus, you didn't tell him?
333
00:22:01.458 --> 00:22:04.128
No. Frog, I forgot.
334
00:22:06.966 --> 00:22:10.584
CARRIE: I was getting all set to marry
Junior again when I got your call.
335
00:22:10.677 --> 00:22:14.757
You didn't waste much time dilly-dallying
around with another bunch of people...
336
00:22:14.849 --> 00:22:16.470
did you, once we broke up?
337
00:22:16.143 --> 00:22:19.590
You were dilly-dallying around
when we were still together.
338
00:22:19.144 --> 00:22:22.230
Hey, kids. Will you just knock it off?
339
00:22:22.316 --> 00:22:25.899
The important thing is
we're back together again, right?
340
00:22:27.290 --> 00:22:29.486
Yeah, he's right.
341
00:22:30.449 --> 00:22:32.987
Let me make myself perfectly clear.
342
00:22:33.770 --> 00:22:36.328
While there is a certain amount of
physical attraction between us...
343
00:22:36.415 --> 00:22:38.906
and even some residual affection,
due to nostalgia...
344
00:22:39.100 --> 00:22:41.670
my one and only reason for being here
is money. M-O-N-E-Y.
345
00:22:41.754 --> 00:22:45.170
So let's get started
whipping your ass into shape.
346
00:22:45.258 --> 00:22:46.456
[Cledus chuckles]
347
00:22:47.343 --> 00:22:48.837
She still loves me.
348
00:22:49.387 --> 00:22:52.672
[Comical instrumental music]
349
00:23:59.631 --> 00:24:02.751
[Comical instrumental music continues]
350
00:24:30.206 --> 00:24:33.871
Damned if you ain't ready
for the Kentucky Derby, son!
351
00:24:35.504 --> 00:24:38.707
CLEDUS: Forty-eight.
We ain't got but four days left.
352
00:24:38.800 --> 00:24:40.800
CLEDUS: Forty-nine.
353
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:42.390
Fifty.
354
00:24:42.260 --> 00:24:44.135
Texas is a long ways.
355
00:24:47.975 --> 00:24:50.990
You're getting pretty good.
356
00:24:50.186 --> 00:24:52.393
BANDIT: I got to quit this soon...
357
00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:55.897
or I'm gonna end up looking like
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
358
00:24:55.984 --> 00:24:57.775
I'm glad we're gonna get out of here.
359
00:24:57.862 --> 00:25:00.483
I'm afraid this luxurious lifestyle
is gonna grow on me.
360
00:25:00.573 --> 00:25:03.942
Slight problem there. I ain't got no wheels.
361
00:25:05.360 --> 00:25:08.701
I'm the only man in the world
that drank up a Trans-Am.
362
00:25:08.916 --> 00:25:11.916
Can you imagine Roy Rogers
selling Trigger for a six-pack?
363
00:25:12.200 --> 00:25:13.810
No.
364
00:25:13.169 --> 00:25:16.125
-Think he's ready, mama?
-I think he's ready.
365
00:25:16.215 --> 00:25:19.500
-You see, we have got a surprise for you.
-What?
366
00:25:19.594 --> 00:25:22.630
-We've got a surprise for you.
-Yes, big surprise.
367
00:25:22.722 --> 00:25:25.760
-lf you will just kindly step outside.
-Right outside, here.
368
00:25:25.850 --> 00:25:29.137
We got something we'd like to show you.
Come on.
369
00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:34.477
Son of Trigger.
370
00:25:34.694 --> 00:25:36.402
[Bandit exclaims in surprise]
371
00:25:37.196 --> 00:25:39.250
BANDIT: You shouldn't have done that.
372
00:25:39.116 --> 00:25:41.156
Pretty, ain't it? I didn't do it all by myself.
373
00:25:41.243 --> 00:25:43.236
-Mama helped me a little.
-What did you do?
374
00:25:43.329 --> 00:25:45.701
I traded Junior's car in on it.
375
00:25:45.872 --> 00:25:47.249
[Chuckling excitedly]
376
00:25:50.461 --> 00:25:52.289
-Black is beautiful.
-Expensive, too.
377
00:25:52.380 --> 00:25:54.337
-But worth it.
-Yeah.
378
00:25:54.424 --> 00:25:56.132
Where was that you said we were going?
379
00:25:56.217 --> 00:25:59.384
-Where do you think we need to go?
-Miami.
380
00:25:59.762 --> 00:26:02.884
[Slow country song]
381
00:26:03.517 --> 00:26:08.475
Ride, country cowboy, ride
382
00:26:11.109 --> 00:26:16.270
The open highway is your range
383
00:26:19.450 --> 00:26:23.152
Ten-four little buckaroo
384
00:26:23.248 --> 00:26:26.450
And happy trails to you
385
00:26:27.502 --> 00:26:32.164
Ride, country cowboy, ride
386
00:26:34.677 --> 00:26:38.544
Now you're the Bandit on the run
387
00:26:39.150 --> 00:26:42.466
Not a bad guy just havin' fun
388
00:26:43.186 --> 00:26:45.142
Still ridin' hard
389
00:26:45.230 --> 00:26:49.144
Beneath those western skies
390
00:26:50.652 --> 00:26:54.520
If there's an ambush up ahead
391
00:26:54.740 --> 00:26:58.608
And you see smokey's lights flashin' red
392
00:26:58.912 --> 00:27:02.495
Remember Trigger and me will be
393
00:27:02.582 --> 00:27:05.667
By your side
394
00:27:06.837 --> 00:27:12.800
So ride, country cowboy, ride
395
00:27:15.471 --> 00:27:17.927
Bet that smokey can't handle
the legendary Bandit...
396
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:21.598
just driving along at old double nickel.
397
00:27:21.686 --> 00:27:25.200
CARRIE: Maybe he doesn't know
who the legendary Bandit is.
398
00:27:25.608 --> 00:27:26.639
Doubtful.
399
00:27:26.734 --> 00:27:29.819
I'm what you call your "basic famous."
400
00:27:29.904 --> 00:27:32.146
CARRIE: "Basic famous."
WOMAN: Bandit!
401
00:27:32.281 --> 00:27:34.773
WOMAN 1: Hey, Bandit! Hi!
402
00:27:34.867 --> 00:27:36.493
[Women exclaiming excitedly]
403
00:27:37.245 --> 00:27:39.652
-Gotta be careful of women like that.
-Yeah?
404
00:27:39.747 --> 00:27:41.787
They start off,
they just want your autograph.
405
00:27:41.875 --> 00:27:45.790
Next, they wanna tear your clothes off.
Then they want your body.
406
00:27:45.171 --> 00:27:48.126
-You're kidding?
-No, I wouldn't kid about a thing like that.
407
00:27:48.215 --> 00:27:50.754
You don't joke about
people taking your clothes off.
408
00:27:50.843 --> 00:27:53.169
No. Golly, it must be hard.
409
00:27:54.560 --> 00:27:56.726
-What?
-Being a superstar.
410
00:27:57.559 --> 00:27:59.682
I'll tell you something. Sometimes it's hell.
411
00:27:59.770 --> 00:28:01.395
CARRIE: Is it?
BANDIT: Yeah.
412
00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:04.148
I don't know. You feel like a freak.
413
00:28:04.233 --> 00:28:05.645
Probably.
414
00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:09.651
You know, I've been thinking...
415
00:28:09.949 --> 00:28:12.948
and I'd rather just have your autograph.
416
00:28:13.340 --> 00:28:16.202
-As opposed to what?
-Ripping your clothes off.
417
00:28:16.288 --> 00:28:17.450
Why?
418
00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:21.207
I've seen you with your clothes off,
remember?
419
00:28:22.210 --> 00:28:24.120
Of course I remember.
420
00:28:24.505 --> 00:28:26.379
It ain't no big deal.
421
00:28:37.685 --> 00:28:41.684
WOMAN 1: I swear I'm gonna break
the camera, with my hair in rollers like this.
422
00:28:41.774 --> 00:28:43.850
Hell, it's worth it...
423
00:28:43.943 --> 00:28:46.731
getting your picture took
with a living legend.
424
00:28:46.822 --> 00:28:50.901
CARRIE: Bo, it's awful hot out here.
BANDIT: I'll be right with you, honey.
425
00:28:50.993 --> 00:28:52.867
Take your time. I understand completely.
426
00:28:52.953 --> 00:28:55.658
I think I'd like one of those pictures
for myself...
427
00:28:55.747 --> 00:28:58.322
wallet-size, with a glossy finish,
the scalloped edges.
428
00:28:58.417 --> 00:29:00.494
I wanna remember this moment forever.
429
00:29:00.586 --> 00:29:02.460
MAN: Hold still. Say "cheese."
430
00:29:02.548 --> 00:29:04.623
ALL: Cheese.
BANDIT: Thank you.
431
00:29:05.926 --> 00:29:07.753
-Bye, gals.
-Thanks.
432
00:29:08.637 --> 00:29:10.428
WOMAN 2: I could die right here.
433
00:29:10.514 --> 00:29:12.591
CARRIE: Bye!
WOMEN: Bye, Bandit!
434
00:29:12.725 --> 00:29:14.350
[Car engine starting]
435
00:29:14.436 --> 00:29:15.811
[Tires screeching]
436
00:29:15.896 --> 00:29:18.647
[Upbeat country instrumental music]
437
00:29:28.659 --> 00:29:31.329
BANDIT: Howdy.
GUARD: What do you boys need?
438
00:29:31.413 --> 00:29:36.122
We're here to pick up a crate.
Do you have a crate number 1444?
439
00:29:36.210 --> 00:29:37.490
Got it right here.
440
00:29:37.585 --> 00:29:41.380
Right in between number 1443...
441
00:29:41.132 --> 00:29:43.800
-and 1445.
-Good place.
442
00:29:44.552 --> 00:29:47.339
You want to go down to the first building
on the right...
443
00:29:47.429 --> 00:29:48.710
and hook a left.
444
00:29:48.806 --> 00:29:51.214
-First dock on the left.
-Right.
445
00:29:52.180 --> 00:29:56.230
-No, left. You wanna go down here--
-Sir?
446
00:29:56.315 --> 00:29:58.355
That's all right. We'll find it. Thank you.
447
00:29:58.442 --> 00:30:01.645
Okay, that's all right. Hold it, boys.
448
00:30:02.488 --> 00:30:04.231
I can't let you take that crate.
449
00:30:04.324 --> 00:30:07.280
-What do you mean?
-I just checked my records...
450
00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:10.569
and that crate's quarantined
for another three weeks.
451
00:30:10.664 --> 00:30:13.914
Quarantined? You mean,
the crate's got the measles or something?
452
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:15.281
You gotta be kidding.
453
00:30:15.378 --> 00:30:17.951
Ain't no place in the security business
for kidding.
454
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:22.920
Just hold on there a minute, chief.
Let me explain something to you.
455
00:30:22.176 --> 00:30:25.510
We have to have that crate in Texas
in three days.
456
00:30:27.308 --> 00:30:31.388
-Hell, I suppose you could take the crate.
-Great.
457
00:30:31.478 --> 00:30:36.520
But it's just that you'll have to leave
what's in it here for three weeks.
458
00:30:38.445 --> 00:30:42.442
As I told you,
it's been quarantined for three weeks.
459
00:30:48.998 --> 00:30:51.489
CARRIE: Bo, would you keep your hands
to yourself?
460
00:30:51.585 --> 00:30:52.960
[Bandit shushing]
461
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:56.294
BANDIT: Hurry up. The sun's coming up.
462
00:30:56.507 --> 00:31:00.968
Creeping around in a warehouse.
We're going to jail, that's where we're going.
463
00:31:01.530 --> 00:31:03.627
-I'm going home.
-Turn the damn light on.
464
00:31:03.723 --> 00:31:05.799
CLEDUS: I ain't got the light.
CARRIE: I got it.
465
00:31:05.892 --> 00:31:08.134
Give me the light, would you?
466
00:31:08.228 --> 00:31:10.185
BANDIT: Find the number.
CLEDUS: I can't get--
467
00:31:10.313 --> 00:31:13.349
-Is burglary always this much fun?
-Find the number on the crate.
468
00:31:13.441 --> 00:31:16.978
CLEDUS: I'm looking.
There ain't no numbers! Here's a number.
469
00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:19.313
CARRIE: "1442."
BANDIT: All right. We're getting close.
470
00:31:19.407 --> 00:31:20.734
BANDIT: Come on.
471
00:31:21.450 --> 00:31:24.784
CARRIE: Wait, here. "1445." We're hot.
472
00:31:24.871 --> 00:31:27.789
BANDIT: Well, it's gotta be--
CLEDUS: Hey, here it is.
473
00:31:27.874 --> 00:31:30.246
CARRIE: "1443."
BANDIT: Give me that.
474
00:31:30.335 --> 00:31:33.870
BANDIT: "1443." "1445."
475
00:31:33.963 --> 00:31:36.502
-You see, 1444 should be right here.
-Bo?
476
00:31:36.591 --> 00:31:37.967
[Carrie whistling softly]
477
00:31:38.520 --> 00:31:40.377
BANDIT: What?
CARRIE: Shine the light up there.
478
00:31:40.554 --> 00:31:43.460
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
479
00:31:44.475 --> 00:31:48.590
BANDIT: "1444."
480
00:31:49.814 --> 00:31:52.816
ALL: Oh, shit!
481
00:31:54.445 --> 00:31:57.649
You mind telling me how come they paint
the number of our crate...
482
00:31:57.740 --> 00:31:59.566
up here on the side of the building?
483
00:31:59.659 --> 00:32:02.826
Well, it's a crate acting like a building.
484
00:32:02.912 --> 00:32:04.656
I was afraid you were gonna say that.
485
00:32:04.748 --> 00:32:08.366
You wanna tell me something?
How we gonna get that thing on the truck?
486
00:32:08.460 --> 00:32:11.580
-Have you seen the size of this crate?
-Yeah.
487
00:32:12.548 --> 00:32:14.790
It's gonna take one hell of a forklift.
488
00:32:14.884 --> 00:32:17.339
Tell you right now,
I won't be able to keep up my end.
489
00:32:17.428 --> 00:32:22.554
Enos said it would fit in the truck.
The man's a chronic liar. I'm alone.
490
00:32:23.602 --> 00:32:26.473
BANDIT: Listen, hold the light.
CLEDUS: Hold the light?
491
00:32:27.397 --> 00:32:29.771
CARRIE: For goodness' sake. It's just a crate.
492
00:32:29.859 --> 00:32:31.686
[Elephant trumpeting]
493
00:32:33.863 --> 00:32:36.271
[Bandit exclaiming]
494
00:32:38.535 --> 00:32:41.260
[Comical instrumental music]
495
00:32:46.850 --> 00:32:47.330
Shamu!
496
00:32:51.883 --> 00:32:53.450
[Boxes thudding]
497
00:32:53.134 --> 00:32:55.910
Let's go check for the bones.
498
00:32:55.762 --> 00:32:57.838
CARRIE: Probably broken every bone
in his body.
499
00:32:57.931 --> 00:32:59.460
CLEDUS: Hey, Bo?
500
00:33:03.896 --> 00:33:06.103
CLEDUS: Come on. Quite a ride, huh?
501
00:33:06.440 --> 00:33:09.941
She caught me off guard,
or I would've rode her the full ten seconds.
502
00:33:10.280 --> 00:33:14.654
Bo, that was incredible.
You saved my life. It was totally unselfish.
503
00:33:15.158 --> 00:33:17.994
It weren't nothing.
I saw the elephant coming for you...
504
00:33:18.770 --> 00:33:20.914
so I jumped in front of you,
pulled you out of the way--
505
00:33:20.999 --> 00:33:23.287
CARRIE: The elephant hurt her foot.
506
00:33:23.376 --> 00:33:25.784
CLEDUS: Then the elephant what?
CARRIE: I'm sorry.
507
00:33:25.879 --> 00:33:29.580
CARRIE: Look. She hurt her foot.
BANDIT: Who gives a turkey about her foot?
508
00:33:29.674 --> 00:33:31.168
I could've broke my back in there.
509
00:33:31.259 --> 00:33:32.375
CARRIE: Sweetheart.
510
00:33:32.469 --> 00:33:34.343
CARRIE: You hurt her foot.
BANDIT: I didn't!
511
00:33:34.430 --> 00:33:35.461
CARRIE: You did.
512
00:33:35.556 --> 00:33:39.341
All it was, was this little splinter
which was stuck in her foot.
513
00:33:40.478 --> 00:33:41.510
BANDIT: Easy, girl.
514
00:33:41.604 --> 00:33:43.644
-Cute couple, aren't they?
-Yeah, they are.
515
00:33:43.732 --> 00:33:47.314
Kind of reminds me of my Aunt Charlotte.
Smells like her, too.
516
00:33:47.403 --> 00:33:48.481
How rude.
517
00:33:48.570 --> 00:33:50.776
Now, Charlotte,
don't you listen to any of that.
518
00:33:50.863 --> 00:33:52.822
Now that you've got a hold of Charlotte--
519
00:33:52.907 --> 00:33:55.577
I don't have a hold of Charlotte.
She's got hold of me.
520
00:33:55.661 --> 00:33:57.986
Whatever. Why don't you both
mosey to the truck...
521
00:33:58.810 --> 00:34:00.406
get on, we'll get out,
and won't get into trouble.
522
00:34:00.500 --> 00:34:02.457
Let go of me, Charlotte.
523
00:34:02.544 --> 00:34:04.200
Thank you.
524
00:34:04.860 --> 00:34:07.539
BANDIT: Open the door, Cledus.
CLEDUS: Okay. I'd like to see this.
525
00:34:07.632 --> 00:34:12.930
CARRIE: I'm coming, too.
I'm behind the whole troop here.
526
00:34:12.180 --> 00:34:14.600
CARRIE: Bringing up the rear, so to speak.
527
00:34:14.990 --> 00:34:17.467
BANDIT: Move out. Move it out!
Come on, Charlotte.
528
00:34:17.560 --> 00:34:19.185
BANDIT: Come on.
529
00:34:20.605 --> 00:34:22.397
Steady.
530
00:34:24.818 --> 00:34:26.691
Now, let's see here.
531
00:34:31.242 --> 00:34:32.985
You got any ideas?
532
00:34:33.370 --> 00:34:34.828
Well?
533
00:34:35.622 --> 00:34:39.288
Sure. I could just tell Charlotte
to get in the truck.
534
00:34:39.377 --> 00:34:41.286
-Good.
-Do that.
535
00:34:42.755 --> 00:34:45.506
Charlotte, get in the truck.
536
00:34:45.591 --> 00:34:48.130
BANDIT: Go on. Get in your house.
537
00:34:48.219 --> 00:34:51.802
BANDIT: Come on. Get in your house.
Good girl. That's a girl!
538
00:34:53.851 --> 00:34:57.268
How the heck are we ever gonna
get her out of there?
539
00:34:58.314 --> 00:35:01.101
I'm just gonna tell her to turn around.
540
00:35:02.275 --> 00:35:05.443
He's just gonna talk a little elephant there.
541
00:35:05.739 --> 00:35:08.942
BANDIT: Charlotte, turn around. Come on.
542
00:35:09.909 --> 00:35:13.300
Turn around, babe. Come on. Yeah.
543
00:35:13.329 --> 00:35:16.350
[Comical instrumental music]
544
00:35:17.126 --> 00:35:19.249
[Bandit laughing excitedly]
545
00:35:19.879 --> 00:35:22.915
I can turn them on, but I can't turn them off.
546
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:25.753
[Tires screeching]
547
00:35:30.558 --> 00:35:33.475
[Sinister instrumental music]
548
00:35:38.660 --> 00:35:39.145
Hi, Buford.
549
00:35:39.234 --> 00:35:42.210
BUFORD: Hello, you handsome sumbitch.
550
00:35:42.529 --> 00:35:43.810
Hi, Junior.
551
00:35:43.906 --> 00:35:46.361
-Hi, Carrie.
-Shut up, you shit.
552
00:35:47.159 --> 00:35:49.400
You barrel of monkey nuts.
553
00:35:51.164 --> 00:35:53.120
Well, as you can see, Bandit...
554
00:35:53.206 --> 00:35:55.615
I got my piece in my hand.
555
00:35:55.710 --> 00:35:59.459
BANDIT: You got your what in your hand?
BUFORD: Don't get funny, Bandit.
556
00:35:59.549 --> 00:36:02.252
If you make one move,
I'm gonna put a hole...
557
00:36:02.342 --> 00:36:05.261
right between those gorgeous brown eyes.
558
00:36:05.346 --> 00:36:07.219
I don't think you're that good a shot.
559
00:36:07.306 --> 00:36:08.884
BUFORD: Are you kidding?
560
00:36:08.974 --> 00:36:10.967
Do you realize that at one time...
561
00:36:11.600 --> 00:36:15.106
I won the marksmanship
championship award...
562
00:36:15.190 --> 00:36:18.191
from "Swollen Groin" Gatsell?
563
00:36:19.277 --> 00:36:20.652
I don't believe you!
564
00:36:20.738 --> 00:36:23.656
Do you see those three lights over there?
565
00:36:23.908 --> 00:36:25.948
BUFORD: Watch this.
566
00:36:28.455 --> 00:36:30.115
That's pretty good shooting.
567
00:36:30.206 --> 00:36:32.614
But I'd really be convinced...
568
00:36:32.751 --> 00:36:36.202
if you could shoot that weathervane
over yonder.
569
00:36:36.296 --> 00:36:38.420
That's a baby-piss shot.
570
00:36:40.551 --> 00:36:42.841
That was good shooting. I gotta admit that.
571
00:36:42.928 --> 00:36:46.344
Of course,
them targets weren't moving. Now...
572
00:36:46.433 --> 00:36:48.970
He's only got two more shots.
Give me the bottles.
573
00:36:49.600 --> 00:36:52.347
BUFORD: Give me your gun, Junior.
BANDIT: Just to make you feel at home...
574
00:36:52.440 --> 00:36:55.642
I'm gonna throw up a couple of bottles
of prune juice.
575
00:36:55.734 --> 00:36:58.901
We're running with a crazy man.
You know that?
576
00:37:03.160 --> 00:37:05.532
Are you convinced now?
577
00:37:05.621 --> 00:37:08.823
I'm convinced that you is out of bullets.
Bye-bye!
578
00:37:09.820 --> 00:37:10.577
Give me your gun.
579
00:37:10.668 --> 00:37:13.205
Hang onto your ass, Fred. Here we go again.
580
00:37:13.503 --> 00:37:15.412
[Tires screeching]
581
00:37:17.910 --> 00:37:19.334
[Gun clicking]
582
00:37:36.739 --> 00:37:39.490
Why didn't you have your gun loaded?
583
00:37:39.574 --> 00:37:42.990
JUNIOR: When I put bullets in it, Daddy,
it gets too heavy.
584
00:37:43.780 --> 00:37:44.572
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
585
00:37:44.663 --> 00:37:46.206
Shut your ass!
586
00:37:46.915 --> 00:37:49.621
And that goes for the two monks, too.
587
00:37:50.462 --> 00:37:52.751
CLEDUS: Do you see him anywhere?
588
00:37:52.839 --> 00:37:57.870
BANDIT: No, but he'll be along,
just like death and taxes.
589
00:37:59.222 --> 00:38:02.804
He didn't get away from me.
I let him escape.
590
00:38:03.433 --> 00:38:06.389
You see, what I'm doing
is playing with him...
591
00:38:06.479 --> 00:38:08.851
like a cat plays with a mouse.
592
00:38:09.941 --> 00:38:13.940
The mouse jumps this way,
and I grab him with my paw.
593
00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:17.861
The mouse jumps that way,
and I grab him with my paw.
594
00:38:18.284 --> 00:38:21.155
And then finally, I squash his ass!
595
00:38:24.999 --> 00:38:26.873
-You're the Bandit, ain't you?
-Yeah.
596
00:38:26.959 --> 00:38:29.360
You're early, cowboy. This is just a practice.
597
00:38:29.128 --> 00:38:30.410
Game isn't till tomorrow.
598
00:38:30.506 --> 00:38:33.589
We're big fans and wanna get good seats.
You with the Dolphins?
599
00:38:33.675 --> 00:38:37.211
No. I'm with the world champion
Pittsburgh Steelers.
600
00:38:37.430 --> 00:38:39.221
-Bradshaw with you?
-Of course.
601
00:38:39.306 --> 00:38:41.347
Coach doesn't let us go anywhere
without him.
602
00:38:41.434 --> 00:38:42.465
Thanks a lot.
603
00:38:56.409 --> 00:38:58.532
TERRY: Hi, Bandit, Frog.
CARRIE: Hi, Terry.
604
00:38:58.619 --> 00:39:00.861
-I need a favour.
-You always do.
605
00:39:01.247 --> 00:39:03.821
-You still got your ranch in Shreveport?
-You bet.
606
00:39:03.917 --> 00:39:06.243
I don't have to tell you who that is.
607
00:39:07.212 --> 00:39:08.790
TERRY: Buford T. Justice.
608
00:39:08.880 --> 00:39:12.132
-Could you hold him up for a while?
-Be glad to.
609
00:39:12.218 --> 00:39:13.926
-Hey, Joe!
-Yeah?
610
00:39:14.846 --> 00:39:16.505
Tackle that car.
611
00:39:21.854 --> 00:39:24.475
BANDIT: Thanks, Terry.
TERRY: You owe me, Bandit.
612
00:39:24.565 --> 00:39:26.973
BUFORD: Get out of there, you sumbitch...
613
00:39:27.680 --> 00:39:30.271
or you gonna have a penalty flag
hanging out of your ass!
614
00:39:30.363 --> 00:39:31.525
Really?
615
00:39:31.614 --> 00:39:33.653
-Hey, Daddy, that's--
-Shut up.
616
00:39:33.742 --> 00:39:36.861
I know how to handle these bubble-butts.
617
00:39:36.953 --> 00:39:40.785
If you don't get out of the way,
I'm gonna run right over you.
618
00:39:40.875 --> 00:39:42.950
That's been tried before.
619
00:39:43.377 --> 00:39:47.838
But your possibility for success
is extremely remote.
620
00:39:47.924 --> 00:39:50.296
He's like all the other jocks:
621
00:39:50.511 --> 00:39:53.262
big, but dumb as a stump.
622
00:39:53.846 --> 00:39:56.530
[Buford screaming]
623
00:39:58.727 --> 00:40:00.636
[Car creaking]
624
00:40:01.189 --> 00:40:06.314
BUFORD: I knew this would happen
as soon as they started that busing shit!
625
00:40:09.405 --> 00:40:11.612
Snowman, are you back there, son?
626
00:40:11.700 --> 00:40:13.858
My mirrors are empty...
627
00:40:14.161 --> 00:40:16.710
and so is my fuel tank.
628
00:40:16.164 --> 00:40:18.453
If we don't pull over
and get me some go-go juice...
629
00:40:18.541 --> 00:40:20.414
we gonna be in a heap of trouble.
630
00:40:20.502 --> 00:40:21.747
What do you think?
631
00:40:21.837 --> 00:40:24.920
If you're telling me you're out of gas,
we are in deep shit.
632
00:40:25.600 --> 00:40:26.335
Why didn't you fill up?
633
00:40:26.425 --> 00:40:28.134
BANDIT: See what I see?
CARRIE: Yes.
634
00:40:34.767 --> 00:40:36.724
CARRIE: My stars, what is that?
635
00:40:36.810 --> 00:40:39.990
BANDIT: I can run over him,
get you an alligator bag.
636
00:40:39.189 --> 00:40:40.386
CARRIE: I don't want one.
637
00:40:40.481 --> 00:40:41.893
BANDIT: How about a belt?
CARRIE: No.
638
00:40:41.984 --> 00:40:43.526
BANDIT: Shoes?
CARRIE: Nope.
639
00:40:47.720 --> 00:40:50.406
[Cheerful country instrumental music
playing loudly]
640
00:40:56.541 --> 00:40:57.739
Howdy.
641
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:01.504
[Bandit whistles]
642
00:41:07.845 --> 00:41:09.719
You always this busy?
643
00:41:09.847 --> 00:41:10.962
[Music stops]
644
00:41:11.980 --> 00:41:12.510
Hell, yes.
645
00:41:12.892 --> 00:41:17.271
I had three cars and a motor home,
all here at the same time, last April.
646
00:41:17.355 --> 00:41:18.849
-You're kidding?
-Nope.
647
00:41:18.941 --> 00:41:23.235
Of course, that was Easter weekend.
Always picks up around then.
648
00:41:24.655 --> 00:41:28.404
This kind of high-pressure business
will give you ulcers.
649
00:41:29.350 --> 00:41:32.903
This place reminds me of a roadhouse
I knew in Texas, called Hamburger Dan's.
650
00:41:32.998 --> 00:41:35.952
-Ever hear of it?
-Let's cut the shit and get down to business.
651
00:41:36.430 --> 00:41:38.664
-I ain't got all day.
-Yeah.
652
00:41:40.480 --> 00:41:41.457
Got any diesel fuel?
653
00:41:41.549 --> 00:41:45.547
If I had any more diesel fuel,
they'd make me join that OPEC.
654
00:41:46.304 --> 00:41:48.841
I'll let you get back to work now.
655
00:41:50.160 --> 00:41:52.342
[Cheerful country instrumental music
playing loudly]
656
00:41:52.436 --> 00:41:56.185
-I guess you want me to pump it myself.
-lf you want any.
657
00:42:05.533 --> 00:42:06.908
Snowman...
658
00:42:07.785 --> 00:42:09.909
you're not gonna believe this.
659
00:42:09.997 --> 00:42:12.203
You're gonna come up on a sign that says:
660
00:42:12.292 --> 00:42:14.616
"Diesel fuel. Last chance. Turn left. "
661
00:42:14.711 --> 00:42:18.791
Roger. Got my 10 hung out in the wind,
looking for your sign.
662
00:42:18.882 --> 00:42:22.416
By the way, when we get there,
do you mind if we check on our passenger?
663
00:42:22.510 --> 00:42:25.547
I ain't heard anything in a while.
Could be in a lot of trouble.
664
00:42:25.639 --> 00:42:26.967
You grip?
665
00:42:27.641 --> 00:42:29.520
[Charlotte trumpets]
666
00:42:29.978 --> 00:42:32.730
CLEDUS: Damn, she ain't right.
CARRIE: How's Charlotte?
667
00:42:32.813 --> 00:42:37.725
I don't know anything about elephants,
but something's bothering the old girl.
668
00:42:37.818 --> 00:42:42.196
CARRIE: I wish we could get a hold of a vet.
CLEDUS: Fat chance of that out here.
669
00:42:51.876 --> 00:42:53.916
BOB: Hey, anybody in that crapper?
670
00:42:57.925 --> 00:43:01.258
-How does he know whether she's sick?
-I guess he felt her nose.
671
00:43:01.346 --> 00:43:04.429
BANDIT: I'll tell you what it is.
It's just motion sickness--
672
00:43:04.891 --> 00:43:06.716
CLEDUS: What would you do
without Snowman?
673
00:43:06.809 --> 00:43:07.888
Why? What'd you do?
674
00:43:07.977 --> 00:43:11.476
-Remember seeing an ambulance come by?
-Is that what that was?
675
00:43:12.232 --> 00:43:14.640
-Inside that ambulance, Miss Carrie--
-Was a vet.
676
00:43:14.734 --> 00:43:18.779
No, it was a doctor.
But we might get him to look at Charlotte.
677
00:43:18.864 --> 00:43:20.940
CLEDUS: Do you reckon?
CARRIE: I reckon!
678
00:43:22.743 --> 00:43:24.736
BANDIT: Howdy.
FREDERICO: Buon giorno.
679
00:43:24.829 --> 00:43:27.617
BANDIT: You a doctor?
FREDERICO: Not yet, but I'm working on it.
680
00:43:27.707 --> 00:43:30.792
I got my green card. My license pending.
681
00:43:30.878 --> 00:43:33.120
Salute! A la bella donna!
682
00:43:33.214 --> 00:43:35.787
-You're Italian?
-Natio.
683
00:43:35.883 --> 00:43:40.842
My name is Dottore Frederico Carlucci.
But you can call me Doc.
684
00:43:40.972 --> 00:43:42.346
[Patient groaning in pain]
685
00:43:42.431 --> 00:43:43.630
Stay.
686
00:43:43.725 --> 00:43:44.969
[Shushing]
687
00:43:46.937 --> 00:43:48.431
Swamp fever.
688
00:43:48.731 --> 00:43:50.356
It's no catching.
689
00:43:50.441 --> 00:43:52.184
In Italy we don't have.
690
00:43:52.276 --> 00:43:54.186
You know what I know about swamp fever?
691
00:43:54.278 --> 00:43:55.442
[Mimics fart]
692
00:43:56.990 --> 00:43:58.400
What's your problem?
693
00:43:58.491 --> 00:44:00.317
You know anything about sick ladies?
694
00:44:00.409 --> 00:44:03.993
Plenty. I was the leading gynaecologist
in Pompeii.
695
00:44:04.164 --> 00:44:06.380
Population, 23.
696
00:44:06.125 --> 00:44:08.663
Well, we have a lady
who we think is very sick.
697
00:44:08.752 --> 00:44:11.873
She's back down here in the truck.
Would you mind looking at her?
698
00:44:11.965 --> 00:44:13.800
Well, I'm...
699
00:44:13.174 --> 00:44:15.480
BANDIT: Appreciate it. I know you're eating.
700
00:44:15.135 --> 00:44:16.165
I was just--
701
00:44:16.260 --> 00:44:18.717
BANDIT: I know. We really appreciate it,
though.
702
00:44:18.805 --> 00:44:21.213
Okay. Let me take a look.
703
00:44:21.642 --> 00:44:22.673
Stay.
704
00:44:23.644 --> 00:44:25.802
FREDERICO: Here we go.
CARRIE: Get your bag.
705
00:44:26.210 --> 00:44:29.306
Doctor, it's very nice of you
to take time out of your busy lunch.
706
00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:32.354
Listen, when somebody's sick,
you gotta stop eating.
707
00:44:32.446 --> 00:44:34.319
That's the Hypocritical Oath.
708
00:44:34.405 --> 00:44:36.980
Doc, there's something we haven't told you
about this patient.
709
00:44:37.750 --> 00:44:40.360
-She's not the normal-size patient. She's...
-Big.
710
00:44:40.454 --> 00:44:44.748
Big? Big don't make no difference.
I got one customer, Anna Maria Teresa.
711
00:44:44.833 --> 00:44:48.380
FREDERICO: We call her Two-Tonne Tessie.
She's built like a brick--
712
00:44:48.129 --> 00:44:49.328
[Charlotte trumpets]
713
00:44:49.421 --> 00:44:51.380
[Frederico exclaiming in terror]
714
00:44:51.466 --> 00:44:52.925
Please!
715
00:44:55.595 --> 00:44:58.680
-Remember the Hypocritic Oath.
-The Hypocritic Oath!
716
00:44:58.765 --> 00:45:01.304
BANDIT: She's a sweet elephant. Come on.
CARRIE: Very sweet.
717
00:45:01.393 --> 00:45:02.591
No, please.
718
00:45:03.200 --> 00:45:04.848
[All chattering]
719
00:45:05.773 --> 00:45:08.976
FREDERICO: Mamma mia! When you say big,
you no fool around.
720
00:45:09.277 --> 00:45:12.730
FREDERICO: She's bigger than
Two-Tonne Tessie. I tell the truth.
721
00:45:12.823 --> 00:45:16.951
I was gonna take her temperature,
but I need this.
722
00:45:17.119 --> 00:45:19.290
[Frederico exclaims in Italian]
723
00:45:19.455 --> 00:45:21.863
She's so nice. What a beauty!
724
00:45:21.958 --> 00:45:23.832
CARRIE: Then you can help her?
FREDERICO: No.
725
00:45:23.918 --> 00:45:26.540
I told the truth. I'm no elephant doctor.
726
00:45:26.630 --> 00:45:29.501
I am the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii.
727
00:45:29.591 --> 00:45:31.299
She got teeth.
728
00:45:32.594 --> 00:45:34.468
I tell...
729
00:45:35.264 --> 00:45:39.725
give her 800 aspirin
and call me in the morning.
730
00:45:40.728 --> 00:45:43.101
Doctor, can't you do something to help her?
731
00:45:43.190 --> 00:45:46.357
No, I really can't.
I wish I could, but I'm working.
732
00:45:46.443 --> 00:45:48.317
I'm in that ambulance!
733
00:45:48.404 --> 00:45:50.112
Wait! Bob!
734
00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:53.439
My goodness, Bob! Wait for me!
735
00:45:53.533 --> 00:45:55.990
You son of a... I'm in a swamp!
736
00:45:56.996 --> 00:45:58.159
Bob!
737
00:46:10.678 --> 00:46:14.214
Listen, Lone Ranger,
can I pop a ride with you guys?
738
00:46:14.308 --> 00:46:16.799
-Sure.
-Thank you so much. You going to Miami?
739
00:46:16.893 --> 00:46:19.515
In a roundabout way.
We're gonna take the scenic route.
740
00:46:19.605 --> 00:46:21.265
The scenic route. Beauty! Okay.
741
00:46:21.356 --> 00:46:23.265
FREDERICO: I look on...
BANDIT: Charlotte.
742
00:46:23.359 --> 00:46:24.438
Charlotte. Yes.
743
00:46:24.527 --> 00:46:25.855
Show him the living accommodations.
744
00:46:25.945 --> 00:46:26.976
FREDERICO: Appreciate it.
745
00:46:27.700 --> 00:46:28.186
CARRIE: I'll get your bag.
746
00:46:28.323 --> 00:46:31.750
FREDERICO: If you no give me ride,
I'll be stuck here...
747
00:46:31.450 --> 00:46:34.120
[Pleasant instrumental music]
748
00:46:37.374 --> 00:46:40.625
BANDIT: That a girl. In the house, Charlotte.
In the house.
749
00:46:40.711 --> 00:46:42.834
BANDIT: That's it, in the house.
750
00:46:43.506 --> 00:46:45.962
-In the house?
-In the house.
751
00:46:47.218 --> 00:46:50.600
FREDERICO: Okay. I gonna go.
752
00:46:52.182 --> 00:46:54.804
FREDERICO: Okay. It dark in here.
753
00:46:55.268 --> 00:46:58.519
CLEDUS: There's a light switch
over to your right, Doc.
754
00:46:58.940 --> 00:47:00.102
Okay.
755
00:47:01.818 --> 00:47:04.902
Now that we've got the medical staff
on board, let's haul ass.
756
00:47:04.987 --> 00:47:08.606
CLEDUS: One of these days,
I'm gonna write a book about you.
757
00:47:08.909 --> 00:47:10.720
FREDERICO: Open.
758
00:47:10.453 --> 00:47:12.244
FREDERICO: Okay. Good.
759
00:47:12.371 --> 00:47:14.410
[Truck engine starting]
760
00:47:16.792 --> 00:47:18.417
[Wheezing]
761
00:47:25.343 --> 00:47:26.886
[Patient screaming]
762
00:47:34.270 --> 00:47:36.558
[Sinister instrumental music]
763
00:47:37.649 --> 00:47:40.567
Hey, Daddy, look at that big, ugly alligator.
764
00:47:40.652 --> 00:47:43.938
That reminds me.
I gotta call your mama tonight.
765
00:47:45.491 --> 00:47:49.988
You know, Daddy, I like this place.
All the gators and snakes and stuff.
766
00:47:50.790 --> 00:47:52.405
Why don't we move down here?
767
00:47:52.748 --> 00:47:57.496
-Why don't you move down here?
-No, Daddy. I ain't never leaving home.
768
00:47:57.587 --> 00:47:59.296
That's a promise.
769
00:47:59.757 --> 00:48:03.754
Don't you ever threaten your daddy
like that again.
770
00:48:04.596 --> 00:48:05.759
What's that, Daddy?
771
00:48:05.847 --> 00:48:09.594
BUFORD: That must be one of those
new Japanese sports cars.
772
00:48:14.189 --> 00:48:16.515
-Howdy.
-Swamp fever!
773
00:48:18.359 --> 00:48:20.105
Swamp fever!
774
00:48:20.528 --> 00:48:21.989
Swamp Fever?
775
00:48:22.490 --> 00:48:26.192
Damned if I know where it is.
I'm new around here myself.
776
00:48:27.454 --> 00:48:28.617
Help!
777
00:48:29.288 --> 00:48:33.288
If I wasn't in high pursuit,
I'd have that bum and his Sukiyaki bicycle...
778
00:48:33.377 --> 00:48:37.770
in the clink,
for driving on the wrong side of the road.
779
00:48:38.382 --> 00:48:40.671
[Peppy country song playing on stereo]
780
00:49:01.240 --> 00:49:02.521
How about you, Bandit?
781
00:49:02.659 --> 00:49:04.403
CLEDUS: Got them ears on, son?
782
00:49:05.870 --> 00:49:07.412
Yeah, Snowman. Come on back.
783
00:49:07.498 --> 00:49:10.914
Look two doors behind you
and tell me what you see.
784
00:49:15.715 --> 00:49:17.874
Damn! That son of a bitch never gives up!
785
00:49:17.967 --> 00:49:20.838
Yes, but if you'd like to see a bit of heaven,
turn around...
786
00:49:20.929 --> 00:49:25.560
'cause Big Bulldog Joe Klecko is driving
that Pete parked right on your backdoor.
787
00:49:25.142 --> 00:49:26.685
CLEDUS: Right, Joe?
788
00:49:26.769 --> 00:49:28.980
Hi, Joe!
789
00:49:28.396 --> 00:49:29.937
Howdy, Bandit.
790
00:49:30.858 --> 00:49:33.893
I'll leave this in your hands, Snowman.
We're coming around.
791
00:49:33.985 --> 00:49:37.152
Roger. We'll break for that,
Big Bulldog Joe Klecko.
792
00:49:37.239 --> 00:49:39.315
JOE: [On CB] You got the Bulldog.
Kick it back.
793
00:49:39.408 --> 00:49:42.527
CLEDUS: See if you can delay that
County Mountie at your backdoor.
794
00:49:42.619 --> 00:49:43.699
JOE: 10-4.
795
00:49:43.788 --> 00:49:45.496
It's the Bandit.
796
00:49:46.458 --> 00:49:48.534
[Car horn honking]
797
00:49:49.418 --> 00:49:52.171
Hey, you big piece of turkey dump!
798
00:49:52.380 --> 00:49:56.129
BUFORD: Get that mess the hell out of there!
JOE: You talking to me?
799
00:49:56.217 --> 00:49:58.294
Yes, I'm talking to you!
800
00:49:58.387 --> 00:50:00.795
I'll see if I can get it in gear.
801
00:50:03.726 --> 00:50:04.970
[Truck crashing]
802
00:50:05.610 --> 00:50:07.433
Wait a minute! Hold it!
803
00:50:08.272 --> 00:50:10.266
Wait a minute!
804
00:50:10.901 --> 00:50:14.899
You do that once again,
and I'm gonna take you apart...
805
00:50:14.988 --> 00:50:16.648
piece by piece.
806
00:50:23.122 --> 00:50:25.744
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
807
00:50:30.715 --> 00:50:32.339
JOE: Badge is crooked, sir.
808
00:50:32.717 --> 00:50:35.291
[Hemo-gauge beeping intensifies]
809
00:50:38.222 --> 00:50:41.390
[Hemo-gauge beeping slowing down]
810
00:50:42.352 --> 00:50:44.179
Much obliged.
811
00:50:47.273 --> 00:50:49.650
JUNIOR: Who was that, Daddy?
812
00:50:49.152 --> 00:50:52.271
I don't know,
but the circus must be in town.
813
00:50:52.363 --> 00:50:53.395
[Warning bell ringing]
814
00:50:53.490 --> 00:50:55.114
Hang on, Junior.
815
00:50:56.408 --> 00:50:59.280
-Daddy, the bridge.
-I can make that easy.
816
00:51:11.717 --> 00:51:14.338
-I tried to tell you, Daddy.
-Shut your ass.
817
00:51:14.429 --> 00:51:16.718
-Now, get out and push.
-Daddy, I...
818
00:51:16.806 --> 00:51:18.799
Get out and push.
819
00:51:20.769 --> 00:51:22.348
JUNIOR: Okay, but...
820
00:51:22.438 --> 00:51:23.683
[Junior screaming]
821
00:51:26.567 --> 00:51:29.106
MAN 1: It looks like we've got
a decision to make.
822
00:51:29.195 --> 00:51:30.606
MAN 2: Yeah, it does.
823
00:51:30.698 --> 00:51:32.987
-Heads up, tails down.
-You got it.
824
00:51:34.618 --> 00:51:36.611
MAN 1: This one's for you.
825
00:51:42.100 --> 00:51:44.492
[Hemo-gauge beeping fast]
826
00:51:46.881 --> 00:51:48.756
[Hemo-gauge beeping intensifies]
827
00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:55.540
BANDIT: Would you look at that?
They love me in Ole Miss, too.
828
00:51:55.140 --> 00:51:56.385
Hi!
829
00:51:56.475 --> 00:51:57.970
[Girls screaming excitedly]
830
00:51:58.393 --> 00:52:00.352
[Singing Italian song drunkenly]
831
00:52:01.773 --> 00:52:03.433
[Charlotte grunting]
832
00:52:11.658 --> 00:52:13.781
Snowman, you got your ears on?
833
00:52:13.870 --> 00:52:16.539
BANDIT: Anything happening with Charlotte?
CLEDUS: Negatory.
834
00:52:16.622 --> 00:52:20.834
Ain't much with Charlotte. You don't reckon
the doc got squashed, do you?
835
00:52:21.586 --> 00:52:24.292
CLEDUS: Come on, ring my phone.
BANDIT: We'll stop here.
836
00:52:25.507 --> 00:52:29.885
CLEDUS: Giving Doc a mercy stop every
1,000 miles ain't asking too much, is it?
837
00:52:29.970 --> 00:52:32.676
BANDIT: But we're not gonna make this
a habit.
838
00:52:36.895 --> 00:52:39.540
[Frederico muttering in Italian]
839
00:52:39.355 --> 00:52:42.855
FREDERICO: You drive crazy!
CARRIE: Is Charlotte all right?
840
00:52:42.942 --> 00:52:45.944
She's okay, but I need air.
841
00:52:46.822 --> 00:52:48.448
Give me a break.
842
00:52:48.533 --> 00:52:50.691
FREDERICO: Where are we?
CLEDUS: On our way to Texas.
843
00:52:50.785 --> 00:52:53.158
Texas? Is that near Miami?
844
00:52:53.996 --> 00:52:56.618
FREDERICO: Her nose cold.
BANDIT: It's very close to Miami.
845
00:52:56.709 --> 00:52:59.810
Yes, that's good because
I gotta go to Miami.
846
00:52:59.169 --> 00:53:02.953
FREDERICO: You understand? I've got
a lot of patients there. I'm no real doctor.
847
00:53:03.490 --> 00:53:05.503
But I do operations on the side.
848
00:53:06.100 --> 00:53:07.635
A lot of sick people need me.
849
00:53:07.720 --> 00:53:11.848
It would be no good if I leave,
because I got the swamp fever...
850
00:53:11.933 --> 00:53:14.768
a lot of them got a rash,
different things like that.
851
00:53:14.854 --> 00:53:19.480
I tell you the truth, they need me.
They gonna be fine. Don't you worry.
852
00:53:20.568 --> 00:53:22.442
Pardon me. All right, take it easy.
853
00:53:22.528 --> 00:53:26.990
I'll give her a nice examination
soon as she gets her nose out of my crotch.
854
00:53:27.750 --> 00:53:30.990
We'll leave the elephant on the truck.
Give her an examination while we drive.
855
00:53:31.790 --> 00:53:34.800
No, it's no good. No room for the stirrup.
856
00:53:34.166 --> 00:53:38.413
-You don't understand. We're in a big hurry.
-Bo, it's a living creature!
857
00:53:38.504 --> 00:53:43.416
CLEDUS: That's right. She'll mean very little
to us if we get to Texas and she's dead.
858
00:53:43.509 --> 00:53:45.835
All right, I'll bring her off.
859
00:53:46.513 --> 00:53:48.550
FREDERICO: Excuse me.
860
00:53:48.807 --> 00:53:53.102
Snowman's always had a heart.
Cares about something other than himself.
861
00:53:54.188 --> 00:53:58.731
BANDIT: Well, at least you aren't mad at me.
Come on, sweetheart.
862
00:54:00.611 --> 00:54:02.653
Daddy, I got to pee-pee.
863
00:54:02.781 --> 00:54:06.115
-Swallow it. I'm busy.
-But, Daddy, I got to go.
864
00:54:06.827 --> 00:54:08.986
You're just like your mama.
865
00:54:09.412 --> 00:54:14.158
Your mama can't drive more than two miles
before she's gotta take a squirt.
866
00:54:20.217 --> 00:54:22.126
Hurry up. Give it a fast shake.
867
00:54:22.802 --> 00:54:24.796
Well, what do you think?
868
00:54:28.170 --> 00:54:30.900
She's something else, I tell you.
869
00:54:30.102 --> 00:54:33.638
FREDERICO: Okay, I gotta look down
your throat. Open. Say "Ahh."
870
00:54:35.651 --> 00:54:36.895
For goodness' sake.
871
00:54:36.985 --> 00:54:40.437
-What happened?
-My ring! Oh, geez!
872
00:54:41.240 --> 00:54:44.158
I need a tongue depressor about this big.
873
00:54:48.289 --> 00:54:49.948
JUNIOR: Daddy?
874
00:54:51.501 --> 00:54:53.245
JUNIOR: My zipper's stuck.
875
00:55:12.607 --> 00:55:14.232
Get in the car, Junior.
876
00:55:14.317 --> 00:55:18.481
JUNIOR: But, Daddy, my zipper's stuck.
BUFORD: Get in the car, Junior!
877
00:55:18.572 --> 00:55:20.670
[All sniggering]
878
00:55:20.158 --> 00:55:24.287
-Daddy, my fly's still open.
-Let me tell you something, Junior.
879
00:55:24.620 --> 00:55:27.456
If you ever embarrass me like that again...
880
00:55:27.540 --> 00:55:29.415
I'm gonna get an axe...
881
00:55:29.500 --> 00:55:32.705
and you're never gonna have
to open your fly again.
882
00:55:33.380 --> 00:55:36.583
He loves me. He loves himself.
883
00:55:37.930 --> 00:55:40.379
He loves me. He loves himself.
884
00:55:40.972 --> 00:55:43.297
-He loves me.
-Hi.
885
00:55:44.476 --> 00:55:47.510
[Soft instrumental music]
886
00:55:47.771 --> 00:55:49.480
I brought you a present.
887
00:55:49.565 --> 00:55:51.393
-You're kidding?
-No.
888
00:55:54.280 --> 00:55:57.314
-Is it gonna blow up in my face?
-It's my record.
889
00:55:59.910 --> 00:56:02.484
We only pressed 75 of them, but...
890
00:56:02.912 --> 00:56:05.284
Well, I wanted you to have one.
891
00:56:05.665 --> 00:56:08.122
You probably saw them at the KMart,
you know.
892
00:56:08.210 --> 00:56:12.588
They gave them away to everybody
that bought anything over 25 cents.
893
00:56:13.300 --> 00:56:17.490
-I've still got 74 of them.
-I think it represents you well.
894
00:56:17.846 --> 00:56:19.969
I mean, Frank Sinatra sang My Way...
895
00:56:20.570 --> 00:56:23.676
and you sing
Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial.
896
00:56:24.979 --> 00:56:26.177
Cruel.
897
00:56:28.358 --> 00:56:29.769
Yeah, I know it.
898
00:56:29.859 --> 00:56:33.311
When I'm around you,
I don't like the way I sound.
899
00:56:36.330 --> 00:56:39.117
Probably the way I used to act
makes you act that way.
900
00:56:39.202 --> 00:56:40.449
That's right.
901
00:56:41.380 --> 00:56:44.324
Oh, God. Sometimes I hate the way
I sound around you.
902
00:56:45.376 --> 00:56:48.876
Maybe it's because of the way
you used to treat me.
903
00:56:50.131 --> 00:56:52.207
[Both chuckling softly]
904
00:56:53.552 --> 00:56:56.440
CLEDUS: Hey, Frog, Bandit! Charlotte's sick.
905
00:56:56.139 --> 00:56:58.345
-Charlotte's sick. Let's go.
-Wait a minute.
906
00:56:58.432 --> 00:57:02.217
Sometimes I think you like that elephant
more than you do me.
907
00:57:03.145 --> 00:57:05.185
Hang on to that thought.
908
00:57:06.233 --> 00:57:09.200
Doctor, what's the matter with Charlotte?
She all right?
909
00:57:09.111 --> 00:57:13.260
I think you're gonna be very happy.
Charlotte's fine...
910
00:57:13.657 --> 00:57:16.409
and I hope the bambino fine, too.
911
00:57:16.494 --> 00:57:19.199
BANDIT: The what?
FREDERICO: The bambino. Baby!
912
00:57:19.872 --> 00:57:21.996
-Did he say "baby"?
-He just said "baby."
913
00:57:22.830 --> 00:57:26.378
-Why did you say "baby"?
-Because la signora Charlotte is pregnant.
914
00:57:27.173 --> 00:57:31.171
-Gonna have a little baby elephant.
-No, you gonna have a big baby elephant.
915
00:57:31.261 --> 00:57:34.940
-Who did it?
-Don't look at me.
916
00:57:34.180 --> 00:57:35.592
Probably another elephant.
917
00:57:35.682 --> 00:57:38.600
-I know that, but when?
-Long time ago.
918
00:57:38.893 --> 00:57:42.643
-When is she gonna have the baby?
-Any days, any minutes.
919
00:57:43.565 --> 00:57:45.439
Shit! What are we gonna do?
920
00:57:45.525 --> 00:57:48.860
CLEDUS: We better keep our eyes peeled.
BANDIT: For what?
921
00:57:48.946 --> 00:57:51.354
For the biggest goddamn stork
you ever seen!
922
00:57:51.450 --> 00:57:53.442
Big stork! With the...
923
00:57:54.770 --> 00:57:57.612
FREDERICO: American joke, right?
BANDIT: That's not funny.
924
00:57:58.290 --> 00:58:02.205
We'll take this elephant in the truck,
and we'll drive to Dallas with her.
925
00:58:02.294 --> 00:58:03.919
CARRIE: Bo, pooh!
BANDIT: What?
926
00:58:04.255 --> 00:58:06.627
We're not gonna move Charlotte anywhere.
927
00:58:06.716 --> 00:58:08.875
BANDIT: Honey,
you probably don't realize this.
928
00:58:08.968 --> 00:58:13.880
In Dallas, they have the greatest
elephant doctors. Ain't that right, Cledus?
929
00:58:13.974 --> 00:58:16.381
CARRIE: Why don't we ask this doctor?
What do you think?
930
00:58:16.476 --> 00:58:20.120
You think we should we move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
931
00:58:21.231 --> 00:58:24.648
The lady gonna have a baby.
She no can be move for 24 hours.
932
00:58:24.736 --> 00:58:26.480
BANDIT: What?
FREDERICO: Make it 12.
933
00:58:26.946 --> 00:58:30.150
I'll load her up right now. Come on.
We're running out of time.
934
00:58:30.241 --> 00:58:31.737
-Bo.
-What?
935
00:58:33.662 --> 00:58:34.825
BANDIT: What?
936
00:58:35.623 --> 00:58:39.751
God, I've missed you. I've missed you so.
937
00:58:41.169 --> 00:58:46.820
It's a little hard to get reacquainted
going 110 miles an hour.
938
00:58:46.426 --> 00:58:49.711
So what could be wrong
spending the night...
939
00:58:49.929 --> 00:58:52.552
CARRIE: under the stars together?
BANDIT: Nothing.
940
00:58:53.768 --> 00:58:56.554
BANDIT: You mean, just you and I, alone?
CARRIE: Together.
941
00:58:56.854 --> 00:58:58.847
What's going on?
942
00:58:58.939 --> 00:59:02.440
-What's going on?
-Well, I would say that she's in love.
943
00:59:02.527 --> 00:59:05.444
Of course,
the fat ones always did go for Bo.
944
00:59:06.532 --> 00:59:09.616
She's jealous.
Pregnant ladies always act funny.
945
00:59:09.701 --> 00:59:10.982
What am I gonna do?
946
00:59:11.780 --> 00:59:14.282
It's important not to upset her.
She's got to be very calm.
947
00:59:14.374 --> 00:59:15.454
Keep her calm.
948
00:59:15.542 --> 00:59:18.626
CARRIE: Get her nice and calm.
Then later tonight, you and I...
949
00:59:18.711 --> 00:59:20.751
BANDIT: Later on, I'll...
CARRIE: Yeah!
950
00:59:21.674 --> 00:59:24.794
[Whispering] Later on, I'll meet you.
Okay? Later on.
951
00:59:24.885 --> 00:59:28.254
Yeah. I'll keep the blankets warm.
Just keep her calm.
952
00:59:28.848 --> 00:59:32.300
BANDIT: Charlotte, look.
This isn't gonna work out because...
953
00:59:32.393 --> 00:59:35.728
physically we're not the right size
for each other.
954
00:59:35.814 --> 00:59:37.723
BANDIT: You know what I mean?
955
00:59:40.277 --> 00:59:42.899
[Slow country song]
956
00:59:46.158 --> 00:59:49.278
Spend the night in Charlotte's bed
957
00:59:49.371 --> 00:59:52.704
It might get cold in Charlotte's web
958
00:59:54.793 --> 00:59:58.162
A satin rose that's growin' wild
959
00:59:58.256 --> 01:00:03.380
Charlotte holds more secrets than the night
960
01:00:04.429 --> 01:00:07.798
She spins and weaves her magic spell
961
01:00:07.891 --> 01:00:11.177
Her body speaks what words can't tell
962
01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:16.315
I'm the moth she's the flame
963
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:21.109
In a town that's all too quick
to smear her name
964
01:00:22.323 --> 01:00:27.200
But I'll take the likes of Charlotte
and her kind
965
01:00:29.414 --> 01:00:34.622
Small-town talk don't matter
now that Charlotte's mine
966
01:00:35.755 --> 01:00:40.418
It may be true that other men
have found her vain
967
01:00:42.136 --> 01:00:47.130
But I'm the one who's caught
in Charlotte's web
968
01:00:48.644 --> 01:00:53.888
It may be true that other men
have found her vain
969
01:00:55.260 --> 01:00:59.439
But I'm the one who's caught
in Charlotte's web
970
01:01:01.867 --> 01:01:04.441
Charlotte's web
971
01:01:04.912 --> 01:01:07.747
Charlotte's web
972
01:01:08.249 --> 01:01:11.360
Charlotte's web
973
01:01:13.839 --> 01:01:15.119
Well, Fred...
974
01:01:15.757 --> 01:01:19.125
Iooks like somebody up there
must like us, boy.
975
01:01:21.263 --> 01:01:25.480
Hey, Bandit,
I ain't seen a smokey now for hours.
976
01:01:25.267 --> 01:01:28.719
CLEDUS: Looks like we got it clean
and green all the way to Louisiana patch.
977
01:01:28.813 --> 01:01:31.933
CLEDUS: What do you think? Come on.
BANDIT: Knock on wood, son.
978
01:01:32.984 --> 01:01:35.273
CLEDUS: You know what I'll do
with my share of the money?
979
01:01:35.362 --> 01:01:36.477
Cute.
980
01:01:36.571 --> 01:01:39.608
I'm gonna get my wife and kids something
they always wanted.
981
01:01:39.742 --> 01:01:42.233
I'm gonna send them on a trip to Hawaii.
982
01:01:42.996 --> 01:01:45.949
Snowman, you're so crazy
about your family?
983
01:01:46.400 --> 01:01:49.492
Are you crazy or something?
I ain't going with them.
984
01:01:51.630 --> 01:01:54.334
[Sinister instrumental music]
985
01:02:00.306 --> 01:02:01.931
Break for the Bandit.
986
01:02:02.170 --> 01:02:06.180
Guess who just snuck around my backdoor
and is knocking on yours?
987
01:02:07.189 --> 01:02:08.647
Hello, Buford.
988
01:02:08.732 --> 01:02:10.772
Hello, you big lollipop.
989
01:02:11.152 --> 01:02:15.102
Guess who's driving right up your
alimentary canal?
990
01:02:16.324 --> 01:02:20.250
Elementary is about as far as you got
in school, isn't it, son?
991
01:02:20.120 --> 01:02:23.369
Tell you what. As long as we're talking
about elementary school...
992
01:02:23.457 --> 01:02:26.208
why don't we play Follow the Leader,
bumble-butt?
993
01:02:26.292 --> 01:02:29.164
Well, I'll follow,
but you certainly ain't my leader.
994
01:02:29.255 --> 01:02:30.997
Come on, fat boy.
995
01:02:31.632 --> 01:02:34.798
-Daddy, I like to play Follow the Leader.
-Shut up, you shit.
996
01:02:34.885 --> 01:02:36.962
[Fast-paced country instrumental music]
997
01:02:37.540 --> 01:02:41.847
I hate to tell you this, but you're going
the wrong way on a one-way street.
998
01:02:43.938 --> 01:02:45.183
JUNIOR: Turn left here, Daddy.
999
01:02:48.240 --> 01:02:49.899
Hold it! Wait.
1000
01:02:50.528 --> 01:02:52.485
That's easy for you to say.
1001
01:02:52.822 --> 01:02:54.732
JUNIOR: Straight ahead, Daddy.
1002
01:02:57.494 --> 01:02:58.988
We're closed.
1003
01:03:02.875 --> 01:03:04.998
JUNIOR: Make another right, Daddy.
1004
01:03:05.294 --> 01:03:07.750
BANDIT: Oh, boy. A roller coaster.
1005
01:03:14.930 --> 01:03:17.338
JUNIOR: Turn left right here, Daddy.
1006
01:03:22.563 --> 01:03:26.312
-Damn, I love amusement parks.
-You are an amusement park.
1007
01:03:27.818 --> 01:03:30.357
[Fast-paced country instrumental music
continues]
1008
01:03:31.406 --> 01:03:33.695
JUNIOR: Now turn right,
and we'll be in the clear.
1009
01:03:33.784 --> 01:03:36.406
-A thrill a minute.
-That's about how long it lasts.
1010
01:03:36.495 --> 01:03:38.572
That was below the belt.
1011
01:03:50.930 --> 01:03:51.754
[Tires screeching]
1012
01:04:16.622 --> 01:04:18.533
"Make a left turn, Daddy.
1013
01:04:19.830 --> 01:04:22.251
"Make a right turn, Daddy.
We'll be in the clear."
1014
01:04:23.255 --> 01:04:24.832
You moose twit.
1015
01:04:27.343 --> 01:04:29.217
[Singing] Bye-bye, baby
1016
01:04:30.388 --> 01:04:32.926
Sir, I am the owner of this...
1017
01:04:34.309 --> 01:04:36.846
[Stuttering] Of this mess, and--
1018
01:04:36.936 --> 01:04:39.724
What are you trying to tell me?
I'm in hot pursuit!
1019
01:04:39.814 --> 01:04:42.389
I would like to say just one thing.
1020
01:04:45.290 --> 01:04:46.523
We're closed.
1021
01:04:47.864 --> 01:04:51.448
Get in the car, Junior.
We're surrounded by a mental case.
1022
01:04:51.871 --> 01:04:54.112
TROOPER: That's correct, Sheriff Justice.
1023
01:04:54.206 --> 01:04:56.993
The Bandit just entered Louisiana.
1024
01:04:57.168 --> 01:05:00.380
You're here at a monumental moment.
1025
01:05:01.213 --> 01:05:03.919
I'm gonna call my kin for help.
1026
01:05:04.717 --> 01:05:07.900
I'm calling my brother Reggie...
1027
01:05:07.178 --> 01:05:10.299
and I'm calling my brother Gaylord.
1028
01:05:10.723 --> 01:05:14.556
They've been in law enforcement
for over 20 years.
1029
01:05:16.630 --> 01:05:18.686
Get me Quebec, Canada, on the phone.
1030
01:05:19.233 --> 01:05:22.603
-Canada?
-Yes, up north.
1031
01:05:26.992 --> 01:05:29.530
BANDIT: How much I owe you, my man?
MECHANIC: $24.
1032
01:05:30.662 --> 01:05:32.905
You take a personal check?
1033
01:05:32.999 --> 01:05:35.619
Just making a joke. $24, huh?
1034
01:05:36.876 --> 01:05:39.360
Here you go. $25, keep the change.
1035
01:05:39.130 --> 01:05:41.206
MECHANIC: Can I ask you a question?
BANDIT: Sure.
1036
01:05:41.299 --> 01:05:45.000
You wouldn't be the guy they call
the Bandit, would you?
1037
01:05:45.261 --> 01:05:47.339
-The one and only.
-Bandit.
1038
01:05:47.431 --> 01:05:51.263
Now that you've graced my humble
establishment, I'll take this opportunity...
1039
01:05:51.351 --> 01:05:53.558
-to tell you something.
-Go right ahead.
1040
01:05:53.645 --> 01:05:57.160
If I was making a list of the great assholes
of the 20th century...
1041
01:05:57.107 --> 01:05:59.185
you'd be in the top five.
1042
01:06:00.738 --> 01:06:04.522
-Hey, wait a minute.
-Bo, even Bambi has enemies. Let's go.
1043
01:06:04.616 --> 01:06:09.445
Listen! Let me tell you something.
I'm practically an American folk hero.
1044
01:06:09.831 --> 01:06:12.700
Ask some of my fans.
To know me is to love me.
1045
01:06:12.792 --> 01:06:15.340
You know, I just made
a correction on my list.
1046
01:06:15.127 --> 01:06:17.797
BANDIT: Yeah?
MECHANIC: You're in the top two assholes.
1047
01:06:19.900 --> 01:06:20.751
How about I give you my poster?
1048
01:06:20.843 --> 01:06:23.464
BANDIT: Me in the Trans-Am going up
the World Trade Centre.
1049
01:06:23.553 --> 01:06:25.382
Buzz off! I'm busy.
1050
01:06:26.306 --> 01:06:30.555
God damn it! I'm one of the most
beloved grassroot folk heroes of America.
1051
01:06:30.644 --> 01:06:33.136
Hey! Get out of here, you weirdo.
1052
01:06:33.231 --> 01:06:37.645
Listen to me. Little kids love me.
Parents love me. Everybody loves me.
1053
01:06:37.736 --> 01:06:41.105
Come on out here and love me,
or I'll kick your little skinny ass!
1054
01:06:41.198 --> 01:06:43.985
CARRIE: Excuse me. Hi. How are you?
Good to see you.
1055
01:06:44.760 --> 01:06:47.660
Get a hold of yourself. You're not exactly
baseball and mom's apple pie.
1056
01:06:47.747 --> 01:06:50.915
-The man has a right to his opinion.
-Who does he think he is?
1057
01:06:51.100 --> 01:06:54.618
You ought to ask yourself that question.
Have a nice day.
1058
01:06:55.839 --> 01:06:58.211
I'm telling you, people love me!
1059
01:07:06.601 --> 01:07:10.385
BANDIT: What's wrong?
CLEDUS: We got a problem. Talk to the doc.
1060
01:07:13.776 --> 01:07:15.234
What's the matter, Doc?
1061
01:07:15.319 --> 01:07:16.600
[Frederico speaking in Italian]
1062
01:07:16.695 --> 01:07:19.862
She no can go. She gonna start the labour.
1063
01:07:20.450 --> 01:07:24.115
-Maybe we need to get her off her feet.
-Exactly. That's the problem.
1064
01:07:24.204 --> 01:07:26.493
In there she bounce around.
Too much danger.
1065
01:07:26.582 --> 01:07:28.954
She just wants a little attention, that's all.
1066
01:07:29.430 --> 01:07:31.997
We'll load her on the truck and get going.
Come on, let's go.
1067
01:07:32.880 --> 01:07:34.923
Of course, we load her up on the truck
and let's go.
1068
01:07:35.800 --> 01:07:37.214
La signora Charlotte can do
anything she wants.
1069
01:07:37.302 --> 01:07:41.300
FREDERICO: Put her on the truck. Sure,
take the baby and go bada bing, bada bong.
1070
01:07:41.388 --> 01:07:44.580
It don't make no difference to you...
1071
01:07:44.143 --> 01:07:47.144
Lone Ranger
of the United States of America.
1072
01:07:49.232 --> 01:07:52.897
FREDERICO: I tell one thing,
I no gonna be responsible.
1073
01:07:54.779 --> 01:07:57.200
[Speaking in Italian]
1074
01:07:59.243 --> 01:08:01.569
What's the matter?
Don't you understand English?
1075
01:08:01.662 --> 01:08:05.909
He said you can't be bouncing her around.
She's gonna have a baby.
1076
01:08:06.251 --> 01:08:08.789
Don't you understand $400,000?
1077
01:08:09.300 --> 01:08:12.586
This is the last chance
we're ever gonna have. $400,000!
1078
01:08:12.673 --> 01:08:16.423
I understand, and I'd like to have
my share of the $400,000.
1079
01:08:16.512 --> 01:08:19.217
But I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.
1080
01:08:35.574 --> 01:08:38.112
[Sentimental instrumental music]
1081
01:08:38.453 --> 01:08:40.860
Bo, it isn't the money, is it?
1082
01:08:41.956 --> 01:08:45.740
You want to make this last run
so you can be famous again.
1083
01:08:45.918 --> 01:08:50.830
Be the old Bandit, come driving in there
and be everybody's hero?
1084
01:08:51.801 --> 01:08:55.799
I know you. You don't want
to hurt this elephant. I know you.
1085
01:09:01.394 --> 01:09:04.728
I don't want to hurt the elephant.
I really don't.
1086
01:09:07.670 --> 01:09:10.233
It's just maybe my last chance
to be somebody.
1087
01:09:14.750 --> 01:09:16.317
Bo, everybody is somebody.
1088
01:09:19.122 --> 01:09:20.153
Yeah.
1089
01:09:20.248 --> 01:09:22.656
Hey, we were just thinking.
1090
01:09:22.752 --> 01:09:25.954
Maybe we have been working too hard,
you reckon?
1091
01:09:26.460 --> 01:09:29.167
We'll go into town,
have some wine, women, and song.
1092
01:09:29.258 --> 01:09:30.966
A little pasta fagioli.
1093
01:09:31.344 --> 01:09:34.299
ANTHONY: This your elephant?
BANDIT: Yeah. Who's that?
1094
01:09:36.580 --> 01:09:38.181
BANDIT: You live around here, kid?
1095
01:09:38.686 --> 01:09:41.258
Across the track, on the good side.
1096
01:09:41.521 --> 01:09:44.274
-What's your name?
-My name is Anthony T. Townes.
1097
01:09:44.358 --> 01:09:46.516
My name is Bandit Darville.
1098
01:09:47.570 --> 01:09:50.275
-I guess you've heard of me, huh?
-Nope.
1099
01:09:51.740 --> 01:09:53.744
Well, I'm kind of famous.
1100
01:09:54.120 --> 01:09:56.159
ANTHONY: Rich?
BANDIT: I'm working on it.
1101
01:09:56.623 --> 01:09:59.242
How would you like
to watch him for a while?
1102
01:09:59.333 --> 01:10:01.824
You won't believe this, but I'm very busy.
1103
01:10:01.918 --> 01:10:05.122
BANDIT: Oh, yeah?
ANTHONY: But I could be persuaded.
1104
01:10:06.132 --> 01:10:09.860
ANTHONY: Tell me, how much does
the elephant weigh?
1105
01:10:09.177 --> 01:10:11.503
The elephant weighs
about four and a half tons.
1106
01:10:11.596 --> 01:10:13.969
Could you pay me by the pound?
1107
01:10:14.891 --> 01:10:16.766
Cute, isn't he? Cute.
1108
01:10:18.646 --> 01:10:22.620
-What kind of music you got here in town?
-Rhythm and blues.
1109
01:10:22.149 --> 01:10:24.521
BANDIT: Rhythm and blues? Wow.
1110
01:10:24.611 --> 01:10:27.102
BANDIT: How do you like Country?
ANTHONY: Country sucks.
1111
01:10:27.197 --> 01:10:31.650
He hates Country.
Isn't there anybody in town sings Country?
1112
01:10:31.160 --> 01:10:33.449
There's this cat, name of Don Williams.
1113
01:10:33.537 --> 01:10:37.866
My second favourite singer
in the whole world is Don Williams.
1114
01:10:39.210 --> 01:10:44.380
We'll go to town, listen to Don Williams
and be back. You watch this elephant.
1115
01:10:44.132 --> 01:10:46.124
BANDIT: If anything happens
to the elephant--
1116
01:10:46.218 --> 01:10:48.923
I know. You're gonna feed me to him.
1117
01:10:53.309 --> 01:10:55.882
[Sinister instrumental music]
1118
01:10:56.271 --> 01:11:00.200
You know, Daddy,
I don't think the Bandit's really bad.
1119
01:11:00.525 --> 01:11:04.440
I think the trouble is
he just got in with real bad company.
1120
01:11:05.197 --> 01:11:06.656
Bad company?
1121
01:11:07.950 --> 01:11:10.488
Let me tell you something, Junior.
1122
01:11:10.703 --> 01:11:14.537
When you raid a cathouse,
you take the piano player, too.
1123
01:11:15.793 --> 01:11:18.710
[Upbeat country song playing]
1124
01:11:32.519 --> 01:11:34.725
[All cheering]
1125
01:11:35.104 --> 01:11:36.268
[Frederico whistles]
1126
01:11:36.356 --> 01:11:40.105
Thank you.
Folks, I'd like for you all to know...
1127
01:11:40.528 --> 01:11:43.861
that we have an honest-to-goodness
celebrity with us here tonight.
1128
01:11:43.947 --> 01:11:45.573
Some folks might hate him...
1129
01:11:45.659 --> 01:11:48.576
but I know there's a bunch of us that
really love him.
1130
01:11:48.661 --> 01:11:53.240
You all welcome
the world's biggest show-off, the Bandit.
1131
01:11:53.793 --> 01:11:56.284
[People cheering]
1132
01:11:59.757 --> 01:12:03.430
I think I know how you feel
about things, Bandit.
1133
01:12:03.219 --> 01:12:06.670
I'd like to dedicate my new song
to both of you all.
1134
01:12:15.400 --> 01:12:19.267
[Singing] Be my love, be my friend
1135
01:12:19.779 --> 01:12:23.563
Help me grow, help me bend
1136
01:12:24.284 --> 01:12:27.950
Understand, now and then
1137
01:12:28.623 --> 01:12:31.457
When I do wrong
1138
01:12:32.751 --> 01:12:36.833
It's for you that I try
1139
01:12:39.500 --> 01:12:42.918
-What are you doing?
-I was writing a little poem about you.
1140
01:12:44.130 --> 01:12:46.302
-Can I see?
-I'll show it to you.
1141
01:12:47.170 --> 01:12:48.392
Okay.
1142
01:12:50.688 --> 01:12:54.389
WILLIAMS: [Singing] High on a hill
standing alone
1143
01:12:55.260 --> 01:12:58.776
I'll tell the world everything I've done
1144
01:12:59.447 --> 01:13:03.197
Raise my hand, testify
1145
01:13:03.911 --> 01:13:06.199
My love is real
1146
01:13:07.707 --> 01:13:11.920
The doc said we gotta take
the weight off Charlotte's legs.
1147
01:13:12.211 --> 01:13:16.874
So, I figured out if I built this net
and took the weight off her legs...
1148
01:13:16.966 --> 01:13:20.384
that we could just tool on
down the road to Dallas.
1149
01:13:21.638 --> 01:13:22.802
Fine.
1150
01:13:25.518 --> 01:13:29.516
[Singing] So be my love, be my friend
1151
01:13:30.272 --> 01:13:34.580
Help me grow, help me bend
1152
01:13:40.826 --> 01:13:42.710
BANDIT: Hey.
1153
01:13:42.370 --> 01:13:43.948
-Where you going?
-New York.
1154
01:13:44.380 --> 01:13:45.617
-Why?
-Because you're not there.
1155
01:13:45.707 --> 01:13:47.534
What's the matter with you?
1156
01:13:47.627 --> 01:13:51.873
You punch your friend, yell at the doctor
who looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy...
1157
01:13:51.964 --> 01:13:56.674
play hootchy-koo with me, and all the time
you're trying to make this run work.
1158
01:13:56.761 --> 01:14:00.344
BANDIT: I'm not trying to figure it out.
I figured out how to make it work.
1159
01:14:00.431 --> 01:14:03.387
-And I'm gonna make this run work!
-That is it for you!
1160
01:14:03.477 --> 01:14:06.970
You have had it! You're hooked.
You're a fame junkie.
1161
01:14:06.187 --> 01:14:08.393
They should give you
intravenous feedings...
1162
01:14:08.482 --> 01:14:11.200
of People magazine
and National Enquirer headlines.
1163
01:14:11.110 --> 01:14:14.728
And if you're a real good boy,
they'll give you a Tonight Show enema.
1164
01:14:14.822 --> 01:14:15.985
What is the matter?
1165
01:14:16.740 --> 01:14:18.612
If you weren't so dumb,
they'd put you on Cross-Wits.
1166
01:14:18.702 --> 01:14:20.943
What is the matter with you?
1167
01:14:23.916 --> 01:14:25.458
You know what?
1168
01:14:26.127 --> 01:14:29.793
When I first met you,
I think you really liked yourself.
1169
01:14:30.464 --> 01:14:31.960
I liked you.
1170
01:14:33.218 --> 01:14:35.543
And you did what you did best.
1171
01:14:37.960 --> 01:14:41.142
-What, show off?
-Yeah. You did it so good, you got famous.
1172
01:14:41.227 --> 01:14:45.439
Then you had to do more and more until
you were doing what you didn't do best.
1173
01:14:45.523 --> 01:14:48.607
And now I don't think
you even have any fun.
1174
01:14:48.860 --> 01:14:51.315
I'm not having any fun right now.
1175
01:14:51.405 --> 01:14:52.898
Neither am I.
1176
01:14:54.908 --> 01:14:57.400
I hope you like yourself someday.
1177
01:15:02.666 --> 01:15:03.995
Good-bye.
1178
01:15:04.793 --> 01:15:07.546
[Sentimental instrumental music]
1179
01:15:28.778 --> 01:15:30.688
BANDIT: You know, Charlotte...
1180
01:15:31.740 --> 01:15:34.113
I don't wanna see you get hurt.
1181
01:15:35.536 --> 01:15:40.115
I don't wanna see you start drinking either.
It's not a good thing to do.
1182
01:15:40.208 --> 01:15:42.340
I'm weak. I admit it.
1183
01:15:42.126 --> 01:15:45.450
I'm a weak person. I need other people.
1184
01:15:46.465 --> 01:15:48.623
Don't turn your back on me.
1185
01:15:48.968 --> 01:15:50.378
I need you.
1186
01:15:51.530 --> 01:15:53.545
I need somebody to care about me.
1187
01:15:54.570 --> 01:15:55.634
Not that much.
1188
01:15:56.893 --> 01:16:01.210
BANDIT: Look, I came up with this thing.
You think this was a good idea?
1189
01:16:01.106 --> 01:16:04.689
BANDIT: Look. I got your legs up
off the floor and everything.
1190
01:16:05.152 --> 01:16:08.485
BANDIT: What do you say, guys?
CLEDUS: Bo, you're drunk.
1191
01:16:10.750 --> 01:16:14.155
BANDIT: Is it gonna work, Doc?
FREDERICO: Yes, Lone Ranger, it'll work.
1192
01:16:14.245 --> 01:16:16.535
FREDERICO: Good thinking.
BANDIT: Thanks, Kemo Sabe.
1193
01:16:16.623 --> 01:16:20.157
BANDIT: Okay, let's get rolling.
FREDERICO: Come on. I help you down.
1194
01:16:20.293 --> 01:16:21.457
Okay.
1195
01:16:23.297 --> 01:16:26.250
CLEDUS: What about the bottle, Bo?
BANDIT: What about it?
1196
01:16:28.530 --> 01:16:31.837
Daddy, I can't wait to meet Uncle Gaylord
and Uncle Reggie.
1197
01:16:32.974 --> 01:16:36.558
CLEDUS: [On CB] Bandit, I hate to upset
your stomach by mentioning this name...
1198
01:16:36.645 --> 01:16:40.940
but do you realize it's been
a few miles since we've seen Buford T. ?
1199
01:16:41.250 --> 01:16:42.733
BANDIT: I don't miss him.
1200
01:16:43.270 --> 01:16:45.732
[Adventurous instrumental music]
1201
01:16:47.320 --> 01:16:48.573
That's nice.
1202
01:16:48.991 --> 01:16:50.190
[Charlotte trumpets]
1203
01:16:52.746 --> 01:16:55.949
Where the hell are they?
They should be here by now.
1204
01:16:56.420 --> 01:16:58.614
GAYLORD: Hello, Buford, you old sugar.
1205
01:17:03.633 --> 01:17:05.211
Is that you, Gaylord?
1206
01:17:05.302 --> 01:17:08.890
GAYLORD: You bet your little bellybutton
it is.
1207
01:17:14.228 --> 01:17:17.645
-Did you bring the troops with you?
-I sure did.
1208
01:17:17.731 --> 01:17:20.305
Well, that's fine.
Now, where the hell is Reggie?
1209
01:17:20.401 --> 01:17:22.892
I think I hear him coming now.
1210
01:17:23.239 --> 01:17:25.909
[Ramona singing opera song]
1211
01:17:33.666 --> 01:17:35.576
[Both singing]
1212
01:18:16.797 --> 01:18:20.961
Sergeant Reginald Van Justice
reporting for duty.
1213
01:18:21.530 --> 01:18:24.634
Well, ain't that nice?
But have you got the men with you?
1214
01:18:24.723 --> 01:18:28.560
They're in position and stand at the ready.
1215
01:18:32.210 --> 01:18:33.481
Say, you know something?
1216
01:18:33.565 --> 01:18:37.397
This is the first time in 20 years
we've all been together.
1217
01:18:37.486 --> 01:18:41.700
-Why don't we all take a picture?
-That's a good idea.
1218
01:18:41.199 --> 01:18:43.488
BUFORD: Junior, get the camera
out of the car.
1219
01:18:43.577 --> 01:18:45.720
GAYLORD: Come on, P.T.
1220
01:18:49.834 --> 01:18:51.114
Everybody ready?
1221
01:18:51.209 --> 01:18:54.414
-Say cheese, Ramona.
-Let's go.
1222
01:18:55.380 --> 01:18:56.757
That's it.
1223
01:18:56.884 --> 01:19:00.928
All right, men! Let's mount up and cut out!
1224
01:19:01.596 --> 01:19:06.223
BANDIT: [On CB] Son, if we keep humping
all night, we'll be in Dallas by morning.
1225
01:19:06.976 --> 01:19:08.601
BANDIT: We're finally in Texas.
1226
01:19:11.232 --> 01:19:12.608
[Sinister instrumental music]
1227
01:19:12.816 --> 01:19:15.390
[Upbeat country instrumental music]
1228
01:19:18.865 --> 01:19:23.290
Hey, Bandit, we got you-know-who
on my backdoor one more time.
1229
01:19:25.956 --> 01:19:30.998
BUFORD: [On CB] Say, Bandit, if you make
a left turn on this next dirt road...
1230
01:19:31.921 --> 01:19:36.335
then your ass is gonna be grass,
and I'm gonna mow it.
1231
01:19:36.426 --> 01:19:39.428
You ought to put some Preparation H
on your lips, Buford...
1232
01:19:39.512 --> 01:19:42.300
cause you're talking out of
your you-know-what.
1233
01:19:42.990 --> 01:19:46.560
BUFORD: This is the left, Bandit. Now,
are you gonna take that challenge or not?
1234
01:19:46.645 --> 01:19:48.519
BANDIT: Come on, fat boy.
1235
01:19:49.899 --> 01:19:51.274
[Tires screeching]
1236
01:19:52.902 --> 01:19:55.903
BANDIT: Snowman, keep on hoofing it
down the road.
1237
01:19:56.323 --> 01:20:00.710
Buford thinks he's suckering me
into something, but it ain't gonna happen.
1238
01:20:00.161 --> 01:20:04.750
We're both going out into this desert,
but only one of us is coming back.
1239
01:20:04.165 --> 01:20:05.825
You hear that, Buford?
1240
01:20:05.917 --> 01:20:07.993
Are you ready, Gaylord?
1241
01:20:08.336 --> 01:20:11.955
We are ready with charge akimbo.
1242
01:20:12.341 --> 01:20:14.250
Are you ready, Reggie?
1243
01:20:14.343 --> 01:20:17.427
We are prepared for combat.
1244
01:20:17.680 --> 01:20:19.968
And are you ready, Bandit?
1245
01:20:20.600 --> 01:20:22.889
I was born ready, lard ass.
1246
01:20:27.399 --> 01:20:30.317
Just take a little look up to your right.
1247
01:20:32.571 --> 01:20:35.441
BUFORD: Now, take a little look up
to your left.
1248
01:20:35.574 --> 01:20:37.118
[Tense instrumental music]
1249
01:20:37.368 --> 01:20:39.693
BUFORD: Now, take a look behind you.
1250
01:20:40.288 --> 01:20:43.539
I'm about to crush your walnuts.
1251
01:20:45.100 --> 01:20:47.789
I'm about to get my walnuts outta here.
1252
01:20:48.470 --> 01:20:49.920
[Car engine roaring]
1253
01:20:50.508 --> 01:20:52.167
Let's roll them.
1254
01:20:52.468 --> 01:20:54.260
[Both singing opera song]
1255
01:20:58.160 --> 01:21:00.887
[Fast-paced country instrumental music]
1256
01:21:19.789 --> 01:21:23.538
Snowman, I got me some serious
trouble here, son!
1257
01:21:23.878 --> 01:21:26.840
And I ain't kidding this time.
1258
01:21:26.173 --> 01:21:29.700
I got wall-to-wall County Mounties
and Mountie Mounties.
1259
01:21:29.920 --> 01:21:32.129
BANDIT: Maybe a hundred of them.
This may be more than I can handle.
1260
01:21:32.220 --> 01:21:36.530
Listen to me, and you listen good.
Make the delivery.
1261
01:21:36.141 --> 01:21:38.549
You just hang on. We'll be there in a minute.
1262
01:21:38.644 --> 01:21:40.886
Do as I say. Deliver them goddamn goods.
1263
01:21:40.980 --> 01:21:42.604
BANDIT: I'll catch up with you later.
1264
01:21:42.690 --> 01:21:44.481
You know what you're talking about.
1265
01:21:44.567 --> 01:21:49.360
But just in case you don't,
Snowman's gonna be standing by. Roger.
1266
01:21:49.615 --> 01:21:52.320
[Dramatic instrumental music]
1267
01:22:06.800 --> 01:22:09.700
Come on, Trigger! Don't let me down now.
1268
01:22:15.852 --> 01:22:18.224
Buford, I hope you got group insurance...
1269
01:22:18.313 --> 01:22:21.765
'cause I'm about to spread some iron
all over this goddamn desert.
1270
01:22:21.858 --> 01:22:26.521
Don't worry about that.
I got my whole ass in good hands.
1271
01:22:27.782 --> 01:22:29.821
King Kong ain't got hands that big.
1272
01:22:30.909 --> 01:22:33.780
[Dramatic instrumental music continues]
1273
01:22:36.332 --> 01:22:38.788
[Triumphant marching band music]
1274
01:22:39.794 --> 01:22:44.880
Snowman, you damn fool!
I told you to haul ass and get outta here!
1275
01:22:44.633 --> 01:22:47.588
CLEDUS: And I told you that when we set out
to do a job together...
1276
01:22:47.678 --> 01:22:49.137
we do it together. Roger.
1277
01:22:49.222 --> 01:22:53.218
I don't care about your skinny little ass,
but what about Charlotte?
1278
01:22:53.309 --> 01:22:55.800
CLEDUS: Don't worry about her.
They got a ringside seat.
1279
01:22:55.895 --> 01:22:58.517
CLEDUS: Tell me,
how many trucks do you see?
1280
01:22:58.983 --> 01:23:01.652
I see one, unless I've been drinking.
1281
01:23:02.152 --> 01:23:04.822
CLEDUS: Hey, boys! Do it to it!
1282
01:23:05.197 --> 01:23:08.365
[Triumphant
marching band music continues]
1283
01:23:16.836 --> 01:23:19.540
Then I must be commode-hanging drunk...
1284
01:23:19.629 --> 01:23:22.334
'cause I swear I see a ton of trucks.
1285
01:23:29.516 --> 01:23:33.134
JUNIOR: Hey, Daddy, what's that?
BUFORD: Holy shit!
1286
01:23:39.611 --> 01:23:43.194
CLEDUS: Welcome to the world's
biggest game of chicken, boys.
1287
01:23:43.281 --> 01:23:44.561
Shit.
1288
01:23:50.830 --> 01:23:53.618
Hang on, boys! The army's coming!
1289
01:23:54.840 --> 01:23:56.837
[Thrilling instrumental music]
1290
01:24:08.170 --> 01:24:11.468
PLOWBOY: This is the Plowboy.
I got me one lined up!
1291
01:24:22.867 --> 01:24:25.405
Excuse me, sir. Your ass is on fire.
1292
01:24:25.494 --> 01:24:29.907
Bet you'll be glad to get back to Canada
and stick it in the snow.
1293
01:24:35.588 --> 01:24:37.996
DRIVER 1: Not bad driving
for a couple of Mounties!
1294
01:24:38.910 --> 01:24:39.918
DRIVER 2: Yeah, but look up ahead!
1295
01:24:45.642 --> 01:24:48.678
BANDIT: Seminole, you got your ears on?
SEMINOLE: I copy.
1296
01:24:48.769 --> 01:24:51.343
BANDIT: I want you to dump that boy
in the garbage.
1297
01:24:51.439 --> 01:24:54.440
SEMINOLE: That's exactly
what I had in mind, Bandit.
1298
01:25:01.575 --> 01:25:02.904
[Whoops]
1299
01:25:03.327 --> 01:25:06.530
[Fast-paced country instrumental music]
1300
01:25:08.417 --> 01:25:10.410
[Truck horn blaring]
1301
01:25:10.628 --> 01:25:13.581
DRIVER 3: Hey, Roadrunner, you hungry?
TROOPER: Why do you ask?
1302
01:25:13.672 --> 01:25:17.290
DRIVER 3: Just move towards me.
We'll have us a Mountie sandwich.
1303
01:25:22.974 --> 01:25:25.429
[Comical instrumental music]
1304
01:25:34.821 --> 01:25:37.774
[Fast-paced country instrumental music]
1305
01:25:47.417 --> 01:25:49.456
[Charlotte trumpeting]
1306
01:25:49.962 --> 01:25:52.120
Brake for that, short boy!
1307
01:25:52.215 --> 01:25:54.967
You're too old to play in the hay!
1308
01:26:00.431 --> 01:26:03.600
DRIVER 4: Now that we've got them,
what will we do with them?
1309
01:26:03.102 --> 01:26:05.938
DRIVER 5: Hell,
there's a parking lot right here!
1310
01:26:12.111 --> 01:26:14.519
BANDIT: Three out of four ain't bad.
Where you taking them?
1311
01:26:14.614 --> 01:26:17.188
DRIVER 6: How about the dump?
BANDIT: Good thinking.
1312
01:26:18.702 --> 01:26:20.694
Junior, the way things look...
1313
01:26:20.788 --> 01:26:23.825
I'm beginning to be deeply concerned.
1314
01:26:24.290 --> 01:26:25.490
[Truck horn blowing]
1315
01:26:25.584 --> 01:26:27.791
CLEDUS: Fred, this one's for you, my boy.
1316
01:26:27.879 --> 01:26:29.622
Look out, Junior!
1317
01:26:34.637 --> 01:26:37.450
-Are you all right, Junior?
-Yeah.
1318
01:26:37.140 --> 01:26:39.132
You would be, you shit.
1319
01:26:39.683 --> 01:26:42.601
[Fast-paced country instrumental music]
1320
01:26:45.982 --> 01:26:47.976
Way to go! Take it to him, son!
1321
01:26:52.990 --> 01:26:54.484
Whoa!
1322
01:27:04.128 --> 01:27:06.665
How do you like that, turkey shit?
1323
01:27:08.215 --> 01:27:11.999
Snowman, I've had about as much fun as
I can handle for one day.
1324
01:27:12.940 --> 01:27:14.870
How about showing me the way outta here?
1325
01:27:14.179 --> 01:27:16.932
All right. Roger.
Jump on my tailgate, Bandit.
1326
01:27:17.160 --> 01:27:19.424
I know where the front door's located.
1327
01:27:23.691 --> 01:27:25.683
[Whooping]
1328
01:27:29.154 --> 01:27:31.443
Look at that pile of cars, Daddy.
1329
01:27:31.532 --> 01:27:34.450
Looks like they bombed a drive-in movie.
1330
01:27:50.220 --> 01:27:52.971
[Comical instrumental music]
1331
01:28:06.737 --> 01:28:11.649
He don't know it, but he's going down
a dead-end road, that dumb dickey.
1332
01:28:12.493 --> 01:28:16.623
JUNIOR: Look, Daddy. Uncle Gaylord
and Uncle Reggie are right behind us.
1333
01:28:16.999 --> 01:28:18.457
[Sniggering]
1334
01:28:18.542 --> 01:28:21.543
I got him boxed in like a turtle's pecker.
1335
01:28:21.629 --> 01:28:25.329
There's a gully on the right and on the left
and a mountain in front of me.
1336
01:28:25.425 --> 01:28:27.880
You want to tell me
about that front door again?
1337
01:28:27.970 --> 01:28:30.757
Hey, brother truckers, the Bandit's worried.
1338
01:28:30.848 --> 01:28:34.596
He wants to get out of here.
Are you ready? Hello!
1339
01:28:35.519 --> 01:28:38.354
[Truck horns blowing incessantly]
1340
01:28:40.240 --> 01:28:42.562
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
1341
01:28:44.320 --> 01:28:45.815
Fred, don't look.
1342
01:28:51.786 --> 01:28:53.745
[Whooping victoriously]
1343
01:28:59.920 --> 01:29:02.328
He ain't the only daredevil.
1344
01:29:06.929 --> 01:29:07.961
[Laughing]
1345
01:29:08.550 --> 01:29:09.846
You guys give great bridge.
1346
01:29:09.932 --> 01:29:12.887
That was beautiful, drivers. I owe you one.
1347
01:29:12.977 --> 01:29:14.935
Good numbers to you and the Bandit.
1348
01:29:15.210 --> 01:29:16.680
Say roger, Fred.
1349
01:29:16.772 --> 01:29:17.887
[Fred whining]
1350
01:29:21.862 --> 01:29:24.483
BUFORD: [On CB] You're not getting away
from me, Bandit.
1351
01:29:24.573 --> 01:29:27.408
And I'm still in hot pursuit.
1352
01:29:27.868 --> 01:29:31.783
BANDIT: I copy that, Buford.
But I hear your pursuit ain't that hot.
1353
01:29:31.956 --> 01:29:34.413
[Comical instrumental music]
1354
01:29:35.585 --> 01:29:37.293
Give me your handkerchief.
1355
01:29:37.379 --> 01:29:39.835
-What?
-Give me your handkerchief.
1356
01:29:48.642 --> 01:29:51.180
-What is it?
-A little fly shit.
1357
01:29:52.603 --> 01:29:54.263
JUNIOR: Daddy, look out!
1358
01:29:54.815 --> 01:29:56.392
[Tires screeching]
1359
01:30:01.781 --> 01:30:04.865
JUNIOR: Daddy?
BUFORD: Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking.
1360
01:30:05.702 --> 01:30:07.944
What are you thinking about?
1361
01:30:13.430 --> 01:30:14.371
Retiring.
1362
01:30:15.297 --> 01:30:17.419
Snowman, how's your patient?
1363
01:30:17.839 --> 01:30:21.700
CLEDUS: She ain't doing too good.
Doc says she's in labour.
1364
01:30:21.940 --> 01:30:25.922
Bo, I ain't asking you. I'm begging you.
There's a place here. Let's pull over.
1365
01:30:26.160 --> 01:30:28.550
BANDIT: 10-4.
CLEDUS: Attaboy!
1366
01:30:38.571 --> 01:30:43.320
It's one of those guys from the park.
Pay him off. Get him outta here.
1367
01:30:43.117 --> 01:30:45.656
Please, get my bag. Hurry up!
1368
01:30:46.380 --> 01:30:47.615
Bring my bag!
1369
01:30:49.375 --> 01:30:51.000
What the hell's going on here?
1370
01:30:51.840 --> 01:30:54.390
-We're having a baby.
-This is a wildlife preserve.
1371
01:30:54.129 --> 01:30:57.415
What better place to have a baby elephant
than a wildlife preserve?
1372
01:30:57.509 --> 01:30:59.549
-You get your elephant--
-$100.
1373
01:30:59.636 --> 01:31:01.629
-You get your people--
-$200.
1374
01:31:01.722 --> 01:31:03.798
-And you get the hell out of here.
-$300.
1375
01:31:03.933 --> 01:31:05.759
-$400.
-You're right.
1376
01:31:06.477 --> 01:31:10.974
What better place to have a baby elephant
than in a wildlife preserve?
1377
01:31:17.822 --> 01:31:19.317
What a putz.
1378
01:31:19.826 --> 01:31:22.316
[Pleasant instrumental music]
1379
01:31:34.382 --> 01:31:35.758
[Monkey chattering wildly]
1380
01:31:35.842 --> 01:31:37.337
[Frederico laughing happily]
1381
01:31:37.427 --> 01:31:39.421
FREDERICO: Snowflake, Bandito!
1382
01:31:41.975 --> 01:31:45.224
FREDERICO: Hey, cowboy!
Look, Lone Ranger.
1383
01:31:45.310 --> 01:31:49.641
It's a boy! First I seen the trunk.
1384
01:31:49.942 --> 01:31:52.432
BANDIT: All right, we've got six hours.
1385
01:31:52.611 --> 01:31:55.670
[Frederico exclaiming in Italian]
1386
01:31:55.198 --> 01:31:58.399
Let's cut the Bambi shit.
Load her on the truck and get going.
1387
01:31:58.492 --> 01:32:00.533
FREDERICO: No. Lone Ranger, no can be.
1388
01:32:00.620 --> 01:32:04.368
FREDERICO: The bambino troppo delicate.
It cannot be removed from the mama.
1389
01:32:04.457 --> 01:32:07.127
All right, we'll take the mama and the baby.
1390
01:32:07.210 --> 01:32:10.330
We'll put them both on the truck
and go to Dallas.
1391
01:32:11.214 --> 01:32:13.670
When you give birth
to a 200-pound elephant...
1392
01:32:13.801 --> 01:32:16.374
you don't wanna go for a ride.
You wanna go...
1393
01:32:16.470 --> 01:32:19.800
BANDIT: She's strong as an ox.
FREDERICO: She is strong.
1394
01:32:19.980 --> 01:32:21.305
She gotta wait till she strong
like an elephant.
1395
01:32:21.392 --> 01:32:24.395
Bo, I know how much you need the money.
1396
01:32:25.620 --> 01:32:26.723
CLEDUS: Who doesn't need the money?
1397
01:32:26.815 --> 01:32:30.650
CLEDUS: But let's don't do it this way.
It ain't decent.
1398
01:32:30.736 --> 01:32:34.401
If you're through preaching, Reverend,
we're moving out.
1399
01:32:34.532 --> 01:32:36.275
No, I ain't going.
1400
01:32:36.701 --> 01:32:38.860
And you ain't going either.
1401
01:32:40.413 --> 01:32:44.329
You just let your alligator mouth overload
your jaybird ass.
1402
01:32:47.545 --> 01:32:49.871
Doc, I thought I loved him
too much to do that.
1403
01:32:49.965 --> 01:32:51.424
I guess not.
1404
01:32:57.848 --> 01:33:00.550
You know I can take your head off,
don't you?
1405
01:33:00.143 --> 01:33:02.931
And you know that's exactly
what you're gonna have to do.
1406
01:33:03.220 --> 01:33:07.234
What is the matter with you two idiots?
You act like she's human.
1407
01:33:08.653 --> 01:33:11.109
[Sentimental instrumental music]
1408
01:33:41.314 --> 01:33:42.593
I'm sorry.
1409
01:34:06.258 --> 01:34:08.381
I like myself now, Carrie.
1410
01:34:11.346 --> 01:34:14.847
I found out there's something
more important than me.
1411
01:34:15.602 --> 01:34:19.530
I found out there's nothing more
important than us.
1412
01:34:20.356 --> 01:34:22.515
I didn't take Charlotte to Dallas.
1413
01:34:23.359 --> 01:34:25.603
-You didn't?
-No.
1414
01:34:25.737 --> 01:34:29.230
-What about Big Enos?
-Let him get his own date.
1415
01:34:31.619 --> 01:34:34.156
-What about the money?
-I blew it.
1416
01:34:36.707 --> 01:34:38.582
We still can make it.
1417
01:34:41.672 --> 01:34:44.790
CARRIE: We?
BANDIT: Give me a chance.
1418
01:34:46.970 --> 01:34:48.465
[Sighs thoughtfully]
1419
01:34:48.847 --> 01:34:51.254
-Have you got over $1?
-Yeah.
1420
01:34:51.807 --> 01:34:54.500
CARRIE: Cash?
BANDIT: Yeah.
1421
01:34:54.894 --> 01:34:56.686
That's enough.
1422
01:35:01.570 --> 01:35:04.239
You know what?
We're gonna have a problem.
1423
01:35:04.322 --> 01:35:07.270
Charlotte's gonna be awfully jealous.
1424
01:35:07.742 --> 01:35:10.310
I want to show you something.
1425
01:35:18.450 --> 01:35:19.837
[Exclaims joyfully]
1426
01:35:19.964 --> 01:35:23.168
Charlotte had her baby!
You're a wonderful person!
1427
01:35:23.259 --> 01:35:26.177
CARRIE: Charlotte! Look what you did!
1428
01:35:26.263 --> 01:35:27.673
Hi, guys!
1429
01:35:28.599 --> 01:35:33.950
Look at the baby.
Charlotte, what a good girl you are.
1430
01:35:33.187 --> 01:35:34.598
[Upbeat instrumental music]
1431
01:35:34.689 --> 01:35:37.892
BANDIT: Charlotte, is it all right
if Frog and I get hitched?
1432
01:35:38.660 --> 01:35:40.558
[Trumpets in assent]
1433
01:35:40.778 --> 01:35:44.480
You see? It's better than
the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
1434
01:35:45.450 --> 01:35:48.535
Well, Bo, what do we do now?
1435
01:35:49.662 --> 01:35:53.198
I think we ought to go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1436
01:35:54.127 --> 01:35:56.534
That's a 10-4, good buddies.
1437
01:35:57.380 --> 01:35:59.918
-Shut up and get in the truck.
-Okay.
1438
01:36:00.925 --> 01:36:03.713
[Upbeat instrumental music continues]
1439
01:36:27.872 --> 01:36:29.413
[Ominous instrumental music]
1440
01:36:29.499 --> 01:36:32.720
BUFORD: You're not getting away from me,
Bandit.
1441
01:36:32.169 --> 01:36:36.914
I'll chase you in hot pursuit
to the ends of the earth!
1442
01:36:37.700 --> 01:36:39.130
You sumbitch!
1443
01:36:42.554 --> 01:36:44.843
[Cheerful instrumental music]
1444
01:36:45.391 --> 01:36:49.437
I guess we'll go back to doing
what I do best, show off.
1445
01:36:50.355 --> 01:36:52.348
CARRIE: When do we get started?
1446
01:36:52.441 --> 01:36:56.273
BANDIT: When do we get started?
CARRIE: That's my line.
1447
01:36:56.361 --> 01:36:59.362
CARRIE: You say, "Whenever you like."
BANDIT: Whenever you like.
1448
01:36:59.740 --> 01:37:02.528
BANDIT: Keep it rolling. This is good stuff.
CARRIE: I like this.
1449
01:37:02.619 --> 01:37:06.284
I'll tell you what. We're gonna go in town,
we're gonna listen to...
1450
01:37:06.372 --> 01:37:09.159
Let's do that again. I'm screwing up.
You keep it rolling.
1451
01:37:09.251 --> 01:37:11.208
He's doing great. I'm... Here we go.
1452
01:37:11.295 --> 01:37:14.130
BANDIT: You didn't waste any time
dilly-dallying around...
1453
01:37:14.215 --> 01:37:15.626
with other people when...
1454
01:37:15.717 --> 01:37:18.385
BANDIT: I'm gonna pick that up again.
I got it. It's okay.
1455
01:37:18.469 --> 01:37:20.675
BANDIT: Damn, that son of a bitch
never gives up!
1456
01:37:20.971 --> 01:37:23.594
That's right. Now what do I say?
1457
01:37:23.683 --> 01:37:26.554
BANDIT: 71, take two.
CARRIE: 71, take two, camera B!
1458
01:37:27.610 --> 01:37:28.640
CARRIE: Oh, my clicker won't work.
1459
01:37:28.731 --> 01:37:30.590
MAN: Marker.
1460
01:37:30.399 --> 01:37:34.397
Tell Gregory Peck that he needs
to do this for me. I forgot the...line.
1461
01:37:34.487 --> 01:37:36.645
I'll tell you one thing, though.
1462
01:37:36.739 --> 01:37:39.231
I am holding up my endorsement...
1463
01:37:39.534 --> 01:37:42.286
until one or the other of you can...
1464
01:37:42.371 --> 01:37:44.908
I'm what you call your household legend.
1465
01:37:44.998 --> 01:37:47.953
Your basic legend. Your basic famous.
1466
01:37:48.860 --> 01:37:49.828
I'll just say that line again.
1467
01:37:49.921 --> 01:37:51.628
BANDIT: Get in the truck!
1468
01:37:52.674 --> 01:37:55.591
I'll tell her again. Get in the truck!
1469
01:37:56.302 --> 01:37:58.841
BANDIT: Charlotte! Hop in the truck.
1470
01:37:59.181 --> 01:38:00.723
Hop!
1471
01:38:01.558 --> 01:38:04.264
BANDIT: In the house.
CLEDUS: Don't push the truck.
1472
01:38:04.396 --> 01:38:06.637
In the house, Charlotte!
1473
01:38:06.856 --> 01:38:08.849
You're pushing the truck to Georgia.
1474
01:38:08.942 --> 01:38:10.734
Come on.
1475
01:38:10.819 --> 01:38:13.488
That's right, you old fart. Go the wrong way.
This way.
1476
01:38:13.571 --> 01:38:16.358
MAN 1: Here we go. Pick it up.
MAN 2: Hold it. Steady.
1477
01:38:16.450 --> 01:38:19.700
BANDIT: If I was Clint Eastwood,
you'd say, "Pick Clint up."
1478
01:38:19.786 --> 01:38:22.871
BANDIT: Doctor, why don't we just keep
driving to Texas...
1479
01:38:22.957 --> 01:38:25.994
and you give her an examination
up in the truck?
1480
01:38:26.860 --> 01:38:30.249
Oh, Jesus. I'm missing my wife so bad!
1481
01:38:30.339 --> 01:38:31.502
[All laughing]
1482
01:38:33.719 --> 01:38:37.135
Do you wanna...him while
we got him down here?
1483
01:38:37.557 --> 01:38:40.843
I was the leading gynaecologist in Pompeii.
1484
01:38:42.770 --> 01:38:44.561
[Film crew laughing]
1485
01:38:44.772 --> 01:38:47.478
Snowman! I've had about it all's...
1486
01:38:47.818 --> 01:38:49.630
You dumb Indian.
1487
01:38:49.153 --> 01:38:51.110
Fred, just relax, son.
1488
01:38:51.406 --> 01:38:53.777
It ain't nearly as bad as it looks.
1489
01:38:54.366 --> 01:38:56.774
Get up in there, you son of a bitch!
1490
01:38:59.790 --> 01:39:02.659
Get in there, you silly son of a bitch!
1491
01:39:02.750 --> 01:39:06.370
BANDIT: You got any diesel fuel?
OWNER: If I had any more diesel fuel...
1492
01:39:06.129 --> 01:39:08.917
I'd have to join that APEC, OPEC.
1493
01:39:09.757 --> 01:39:11.466
BANDIT: I'll give it to you again.
1494
01:39:11.552 --> 01:39:15.400
Do you realize I won
the marksmanship award?
1495
01:39:15.265 --> 01:39:17.174
Your father's ass!
1496
01:39:17.350 --> 01:39:20.435
FREDERICO: [Stuttering] Longer than
three months and your mother's ass.
1497
01:39:20.519 --> 01:39:22.980
FREDERICO: But shorter than three years.
1498
01:39:22.231 --> 01:39:25.729
Sure, put her in the truck.
Bounce the "raby" around.
1499
01:39:26.819 --> 01:39:29.392
Don't make no difference.
Put her in the truck.
1500
01:39:29.488 --> 01:39:32.608
Bounce the "raby" around...
Your mother's ass.
1501
01:39:34.828 --> 01:39:38.991
Sure, la signora Charlotte can do
anything she wants.
1502
01:39:39.820 --> 01:39:41.954
Put her in the truck. Bounce the "raby"--
1503
01:39:42.450 --> 01:39:43.953
-Your mother's ass.
-Keep it rolling.
1504
01:39:44.460 --> 01:39:45.754
This lady gonna have a baby...
1505
01:39:45.839 --> 01:39:48.295
and not gonna be moved for 24...
1506
01:39:48.384 --> 01:39:51.421
DIRECTOR: Cut it.
CARRIE: I think we should ask this doctor.
1507
01:39:51.512 --> 01:39:55.297
Do you think we should move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
1508
01:39:55.392 --> 01:39:59.900
I can't stand it! I'm sorry.
1509
01:39:59.104 --> 01:40:00.647
Okay. Come on.
1510
01:40:00.814 --> 01:40:01.929
Now.
1511
01:40:03.443 --> 01:40:06.112
Well, why don't we ask this doctor here?
1512
01:40:06.195 --> 01:40:10.193
Do you think we should move Charlotte
or let her rest or what?
1513
01:40:11.340 --> 01:40:13.360
The lady gonna have a baby--
1514
01:40:13.454 --> 01:40:16.740
FREDERICO: Cut it.
DIRECTOR: All right. Save it.
1515
01:40:16.164 --> 01:40:19.534
We'll start doing what I do best.
We'll show off.
1516
01:40:20.253 --> 01:40:23.337
CARRIE: When do we get started?
BANDIT: Whenever you like.
1517
01:40:24.340 --> 01:40:26.100
CARRIE: Is now too soon?
1518
01:40:26.843 --> 01:40:27.958
No.
1519
01:40:28.178 --> 01:40:31.133
It's all shit. Let's print the first one.